{"id":7546,"date":"2026-04-08T10:25:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-08T15:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7546"},"modified":"2026-03-27T13:26:57","modified_gmt":"2026-03-27T18:26:57","slug":"ice-deports-jesus-christ","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2026\/04\/08\/ice-deports-jesus-christ\/","title":{"rendered":"ICE Deports Jesus Christ"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>In a statement released to Newsmax, OAN, and the <em>Shady Dealer<\/em>, Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem announced that ICE had deported a \u201cvagrant, wandering beggar\u201d next to a church in Minneapolis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The individual, according to Noem, posed a \u201cconsiderable threat.\u201d In her press conference, Noem described the man as \u201cmalnourished in body but as dangerous as Bin Laden.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She continued: \u201cThe man was approached by Border Patrol and refused to answer their questions regarding the location of the Holy Grail. As he turned around to face our brave soldiers\u2014I mean, agents, the man was seen with a weapon composed of wooden sticks shaped like a T.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>President Trump addressed the news in a post on Truth Social: \u201cThis HORRIBLE man REFUSED to comply with our tremendous soldiers, who have been unfairly treated by the liars in the media. He was a domestic terrorist who NEVER should have been allowed to be on the street. Tampon Tim, which people tell me has caught on, is a DISASTER. Messing with the United States of America under Donald J. Trump is NOT an Option. Enjoy El Salvador, Jes\u00fas . Thank you for your attention to this matter! \u2013 DJT\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Police reports confirmed that Jes\u00fas C. was deported to El Salvador yesterday, though the<em> Dealer<\/em>, after consulting library records dating back several thousand years, deduced that El Salvador is not the man\u2019s home country.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Reached for comment, Jes\u00fas C. said he held no grudge against the men who had arrested and deported him, adding, \u201cBlessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy; blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Trump, in a subsequent press conference, called the deported man\u2019s remarks \u201cSAD bullshit,\u201d questioning why people \u201ccare what this loser has to say.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Televangelist Kenneth Copeland seconded the president: \u201cGod himself told me that this Jes\u00fas C. guy was a menace. Let us thank the Lord that our glorious leader has rid this great nation of a sick, sick man.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Police reports confirmed that Jes\u00fas C. was deported to El Salvador yesterday, though the Dealer, after consulting library records dating back several thousand years, deduced that El Salvador is not the man\u2019s home country.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2090,"featured_media":7547,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2,17],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7546"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2090"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7546"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7546\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7548,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7546\/revisions\/7548"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7547"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7546"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7546"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7546"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}