{"id":7493,"date":"2026-03-13T10:19:00","date_gmt":"2026-03-13T15:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7493"},"modified":"2026-03-03T23:21:24","modified_gmt":"2026-03-04T05:21:24","slug":"point-i-would-love-you-if-you-turned-into-a-worm-counterpoint-i-would-not-love-you-if-you-turned-into-a-worm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2026\/03\/13\/point-i-would-love-you-if-you-turned-into-a-worm-counterpoint-i-would-not-love-you-if-you-turned-into-a-worm\/","title":{"rendered":"Point: I would love you if you turned into a worm\/Counterpoint: I would not love you if you turned into a worm"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Point: I would love you if you turned into a worm<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have promised my heart to you through thick and thin, the highs and lows. I have told you during many moonlit nights that I would love you in any form\u2014and I\u2019m pretty sure that includes you turning into a worm.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019d be a little harder to wax poetic about you, but I\u2019m sure I\u2019d manage. I can see myself talking about your new pinkish color and your perfectly sized rings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In the mornings, I\u2019d cut fresh leaves for you. I\u2019d refill your water and give you the best fertilizer. I\u2019d even refrain from performing any knife experiments to see if you\u2019d multiply.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You hold my heart and my everlasting love. Of course, this\u2019d be a different story if you turned into a cockroach\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Counterpoint: I would not love you if you turned into a worm<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m sorry. The wedding vows do <em>not<\/em> include a provision for turning into a worm. And <em>no<\/em>, before you say anything, being a worm is <em>not<\/em> the same as being sick.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Look. I married a human. I did not marry a worm. In the same vein, I expect to stay married to a human and not a worm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you turned into a worm, you\u2019d be dead to me. You\u2019d be lucky if I dumped you in the dirt outside rather than chopping you into pieces or chucking you through the window.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019d file divorce papers immediately. And as a final token of my love, I\u2019d even make the font size small enough for you to read.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, if you turned into a cockroach on the other hand\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019m sorry. The wedding vows do not include a provision for turning into a worm. And no, before you say anything, being a worm is not the same as being sick. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2090,"featured_media":7495,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[29],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7493"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2090"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7493"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7493\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7496,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7493\/revisions\/7496"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7495"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}