{"id":7382,"date":"2025-12-26T10:17:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-26T16:17:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7382"},"modified":"2025-12-21T22:19:24","modified_gmt":"2025-12-22T04:19:24","slug":"first-year-formally-reprimanded-for-failing-to-intellectualize-homesickness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/12\/26\/first-year-formally-reprimanded-for-failing-to-intellectualize-homesickness\/","title":{"rendered":"First Year Formally Reprimanded for Failing to Intellectualize Homesickness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>When first-year student John Hawkins went to the Point to get away one night, he didn\u2019t think much of it. \u201cThis is my first time away from my family,\u201d said Hawkins. \u201cO-Week was rough for me, and I just wanted to catch my breath and really <em>feel <\/em>my feelings. You know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But on Tuesday, September 30, Hawkins woke up to find that he had been issued a formal reprimand by Dean of the College Melina Hale. The notice referenced \u201cviolation of University standards\u201d and reiterated the University\u2019s ongoing commitment to the \u201cLife of the Mind.\u201d When asked to clarify the nature of the violation, the Dean\u2019s office replied:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAs members of the University community, students in the College are expected to fully participate in the intellectual frameworks to which it subscribes. Unless you understand your sadness on a Hegelian basis, we don\u2019t want to fucking hear it. So stop being such a pussy.\u201d Attached was a copy of the University\u2019s new publication, <em>The Chicago Canon on Emotional Repression<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Since receiving the reprimand, Hawkins has found himself agonizing over how sad he even was in the first place. \u201cI mean, it makes sense that I would miss my family, but only on the basis that they\u2019ve been the sole defining factor in my self-actualization thus far. As I enter a new time in my life, any sense of loss I feel is surely more related to the loss of a structural understanding of myself than one of grief. I don\u2019t really <em>mind<\/em> missing my baby sister\u2019s baptism.\u201dWhile there is no definitive information about how University admin were able to claw their way into Hawkins\u2019 last raw, unmitigated emotional experience, the <em>Dealer <\/em>recently witnessed students at the Point in university-branded snorkeling gear shoot blowdarts at a couple having a romantic evening. Hawkins\u2019 experience may be part of a broader university plan to crack down on humanity in every sense of the word.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Since receiving the reprimand, Hawkins has found himself agonizing over how sad he even was in the first place. \u201cI mean, it makes sense that I would miss my family, but only on the basis that they\u2019ve been the sole defining factor in my self-actualization thus far.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2090,"featured_media":7383,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life","category-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7382","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2090"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7382"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7382\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7384,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7382\/revisions\/7384"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7383"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7382"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7382"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7382"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}