It\u2019s officially cuffing season! But as we know at the University of Chicago, some things are better in theory than in practice, and it\u2019s hard to maintain a loving relationship when you have a midterm every week. So here are some tips to fill that aching hole in your heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What\u2019s better than carbs and oil? Available at coffee shops across campus, massive hunks of focaccia are the perfect treat as the weather cools down, the leaves start to fall, and your broken heart is torn to shreds and stomped on\u2026 After all, Harper Caf\u00e9 is for lovers!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nothing beats the orgasmic high that comes with setting your progress through the Core back a quarter. It might be too late to drop a class now, but that \u201cWithdraw\u201d button is serenading you. Especially because you don\u2019t have anyone pestering you about your academics anymore\u2026or someone to hold you close at night\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Almost every dorm on campus is hosting a trip to some orchard or another! Gorge yourself on cider, donuts, and fall vibes. I\u2019m at an apple orchard right now, surrounded by couples taking photos and holding hands. But they don\u2019t understand the freedom of\u2013wait, is that\u2026 who\u2019s that<\/em> schmuck with her?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pick your least favorite tour guide! Maybe they were annoying in class. Maybe they told you they\u2019d love you forever and then started fucking your roommate. Whatever crime they committed, learn their schedule and make their tours a living hell. Maybe you can make a quip about John D. Rock<\/em>-efeller, huh, Jennifer? I bet that\u2019ll crack up the bleeding 11th-graders.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Self-explanatory! Nothing more cathartic to do on a Friday night than concern late-night joggers and sit in an echo-chamber of your own anguish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just one, though. Because apparently emotional connection has a strict limit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just because you can\u2019t afford any more focaccia after spending all your Maroon Dollars on cough syrup and aerosol cheese cans doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t enjoy everything UChicago\u2019s coffee shop culture has to offer. Staring into space is even better <\/em>than therapy\u2013especially if you bring an Owala filled with lean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If a coffee shop doesn\u2019t suit your mood, the fifth floor of the Reg offers an amazing view of the Chicago skyline, and <\/em>it\u2019s filled with people who are just as miserable as you are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You know what, screw this. This city is filled with people who are alone, abandoned, and miserable but they\u2019re different in one key way: they have money. That\u2019s right\u2013goodbye Romance Languages, hello Business Economics! I\u2019ll show you who doesn\u2019t have any drive<\/em>, Jennifer. You\u2019ll see just how successful I can become, Jennifer<\/em>. Who needs women, anyway? All bitches do is distract you from the grind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 10. IDK, Carve Pumpkins or Some Shit<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s officially cuffing season! But as we know at the University of Chicago, some things are better in theory than in practice, and it\u2019s hard to maintain a loving relationship when you have a midterm every week. So here are some tips to fill that aching hole in your heart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2090,"featured_media":7350,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7348","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7348","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2090"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7348"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7348\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7351,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7348\/revisions\/7351"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7350"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7348"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7348"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7348"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}