Orientation Week (O-Week) has come and gone, not unlike a high school boyfriend, and has prompted, much like a high school boyfriend, an extraordinary level of fatherly sulking. As a completely non-non-judgmental observer and recent mover-inner (mover-innie?), here is my list of the top five most popular, peculiar, and paternal places for dads to sulk during O-Week:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
5: The small, horrible, upholstered chair in every dorm room<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Who says sulking needs to be done alone? Now everyone gets to share in the tense aura your dad is bringing to move-in. Is he directly in everyone\u2019s way by stuffing his adult man body into a crappy Ikea loveseat? Yes. Should he be helping in some way, any way? Of course. Does your mom, who\u2019s been singlehandedly running your move-in, deserve a break? You betcha! But, he\u2019s the head of the family, at least in the seething department, and the dude\u2019s got an example to set.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4: Any goddamn dining hall, because \u201cat least something here is fucking free\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n You will rue the day your visitor meal swipes run out and your dad goes sicko mode on the credit card reader while making statements about how you\u2019re getting a paid internship next summer, because if you got into UChicago, \u201cyou should be able to figure that out, Einstein.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3: A Random-Ass Bench<\/strong>\u2122<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t know if I was the only student who felt personally victimized by Eduroam failing to work on move-in day, but I think my parents\u2019 25-year marriage almost ended when my mom suggested cellular data. I mean, it isn’t my mom\u2019s, dad\u2019s, or even the current UChicago administration\u2019s fault that my dorm has the same reception as a CIA black site. But he did need to wander off and sit on a Random-Ass Bench\u2122.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2: Whichever bar is most geographically close to main campus<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Fathers, rejoice! The Pub officially reopened on September 15th, and they are stocked with sad dad brands from all the USA\u2019s capitals of depression: St. Louis\u2019 Budweiser, Boston\u2019s Sam Adams, and of course, Chicago\u2019s own Old Style. Google\u2019s AI summary may say that \u201cAlcohol is not an effective solution for sadness,\u201d but Generative AI never anticipated a father\u2019s state after three solidly packed days of seeing his life savings go into orientation swag and absolutely nowhere else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1: The family reception after convocation<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n After the dust has settled, and the light hors d\u2019oeuvres have been distributed, it is inevitable that your dad has chilled out a bit and accepted this crazy little place called UChicago. To an outsider like himself, it\u2019s scary and foreign, but a journey you are undoubtedly prepared for. And that\u2019s something he\u2019s spent your whole life helping you do, even if you both weren\u2019t totally aware of it at the time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh\u2026 but then he remembers you\u2019re going to have to be a White Sox fan now, and the cycle of sulking begins anew!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Orientation Week (O-Week) has come and gone, not unlike a high school boyfriend, and has prompted, much like a high school boyfriend, an extraordinary level of fatherly sulking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2090,"featured_media":7327,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life","category-oh-the-places-youll-go-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2090"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7326"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7326\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7329,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7326\/revisions\/7329"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7327"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}