{"id":7252,"date":"2025-10-02T22:13:12","date_gmt":"2025-10-03T03:13:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7252"},"modified":"2025-10-02T22:13:12","modified_gmt":"2025-10-03T03:13:12","slug":"apply-for-the-royal-internship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/10\/02\/apply-for-the-royal-internship\/","title":{"rendered":"Apply for the Royal Internship"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you descend from royalty? Does your stomach tingle every time you look at a crown? Does the throne call your name? Does it say, \u201cC\u2019mon\u2026.c\u2019mon, sit on me, c\u2019monnnnnnn\u201d?<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If any of the above fits you, apply for the Royal Internship by sending TheRoyalInternshipPleaseApplyPlease@aol.com a cover letter, an official transcript, and a video of you playing pool (we accept cue and\/or swimming; bonus points if both simultaneously).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Requirements:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must have a 21+ ID; alcoholic beverages WILL be served<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must be able to sing selections from at least three different operettas with perfect pitch\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must have three years\u2019 experience hunting pheasants<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must be able to dress well; no tattered jeans, no sneakers, ABSOLUTELY NO clip-on earrings<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must be at least 33% inbred<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must own at least five taxidermied beasts<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must have pierced ears and brand-name jewelry<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must feel visceral disgust upon contact with a poor person<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must be ready at any moment to launch into a furious tirade about Robespierre<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must speak French or at least make convincing French-sounding noises<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must be able to handle potentially mind-altering substances without police detection<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Must not have experience with manual labor<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We look forward to reading your application!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Applicants must be at least 33% inbred.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2086,"featured_media":7253,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-internships-jobs-the-hard-reality-of-modern-capitalism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7252","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2086"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7252"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7252\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7255,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7252\/revisions\/7255"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7253"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7252"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7252"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7252"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}