{"id":7149,"date":"2025-06-10T08:21:07","date_gmt":"2025-06-10T13:21:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7149"},"modified":"2025-06-10T08:21:07","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T13:21:07","slug":"white-house-rushes-to-explain-correlation-not-causation-following-jd-vance-pope-visit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/06\/10\/white-house-rushes-to-explain-correlation-not-causation-following-jd-vance-pope-visit\/","title":{"rendered":"White House Rushes to Explain Correlation Not Causation Following JD Vance Pope Visit"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You heard it here first, folks! Vice President JD Vance did not in fact kill the Pope, but the White House is having a hard time getting this point across. <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hillbilly Elegy<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> author and alleged Catholic JD Vance visited the Pope not even a day before he passed, sparking rumors that the cause of death was Vance himself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In response to the rumors, President Donald Trump tweeted: \u201cVance is FINE! We threw some Trump Holy Water\u2122 on him. Trump Holy Water\u2122 is on sale now! 10% off with a special code TRUMP-POPE! Also, vote TRUMP for Pope! MAKE CATHOLICISM GREAT AGAIN!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At a \u201cbrutal\u201d press conference to address the issue, Vice President Vance appeared to become emotional as he defended himself. \u201cNo, that\u2019s not how it went!\u201d Vance, on the verge of tears, pleaded to the public. \u201cThe Pope was very sick!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Vance was later found muttering to himself in an empty confessional: \u201cHe was very sick, it is not your fault, you did not do it, you are a great, upstanding Catholic, you are innocent. You are still welcome in the Vatican. You will not be Trump\u2019s running mate for Vice Pope because that will look bad.\u201d This reporter nervously backed out of the cathedral upon hearing these remarks.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Dealer also reached out to Satan for comment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cOh, yeah, no. I didn\u2019t have anything to do with that. Cool coincidence though.\u201d The Devil, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Belial, the Adversary, the Dragon, the Father of Lies, the Tempter, the Accuser, Abaddon stated.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Meanwhile, at the University of Chicago, all Religion: Cosmos, Conscience, and Community III classes are using this story\u2014and Vance\u2019s general reaction to it\u2014as a case study on Catholic guilt.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Vatican announced that Vance is banned from the country pending investigation. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In response to the rumors, President Donald Trump tweeted: \u201cVance is FINE! We threw some Trump Holy Water\u2122 on him. Trump Holy Water\u2122 is on sale now! 10% off with a special code TRUMP-POPE!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":7150,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7149","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7149","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7149"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7149\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7151,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7149\/revisions\/7151"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7150"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7149"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7149"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7149"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}