{"id":7089,"date":"2025-05-18T10:16:24","date_gmt":"2025-05-18T15:16:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7089"},"modified":"2025-05-18T10:16:24","modified_gmt":"2025-05-18T15:16:24","slug":"jd-vance-chased-by-pitchfork-wielding-mob-for-three-weeks-before-white-house-comments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/18\/jd-vance-chased-by-pitchfork-wielding-mob-for-three-weeks-before-white-house-comments\/","title":{"rendered":"JD Vance Chased By Pitchfork-Wielding Mob for Three Weeks Before White House Comments"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">NATIONAL MALL \u2014 The White House has finally answered the question everyone has been asking: Where is JD Vance? As it turns out, for the last three weeks Vice President Vance has been running from a bona fide mob. <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> was witness to the tail end of the chase, which came to a stop when Vance finally managed to contact\u00a0 the White House, who had previously placed his call on hold.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cHonestly, the running was pretty impressive!\u201d said one spectator. \u201cThe mob took a few breaks, but he just kept on running!\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealer <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">approached Vance, who was sprawled out on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with a Gatorade, for a statement.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWhy did they take so long to pick up the phone?\u201d he asked, still panting. \u201cWhere did they get so many pitchforks on short notice?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Secret Service is reportedly baffled that they didn\u2019t catch this whole thing sooner. Though several sources reported two people resembling Joe Biden and Kamala Harris planting pitchforks around the National Mall did not make it into daily security briefings.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWe were going to do the traditional torch-and-pitchfork mob combo, but like, that\u2019s a lot of wood, and we wanted to prioritize sustainability,\u201d explained mob member Nancy Pelosi (no relation). Between sips of matcha, she told the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, \u201cWe are very sensitive to our carbon footprint. Look us up! We\u2019re called A Mob for Change.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The White House made an official statement on the incident after the conclusion of the grand chase. \u201cWho? Oh yeah, him. He\u2019s fine now, recovering with his family. We\u2019re keeping him in our thoughts and prayers.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Dealer was witness to the tail end of the chase, which came to a stop when Vance finally managed to contact\u00a0 the White House, who had previously placed his call on hold.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":7091,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7089","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7089","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7089"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7089\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7092,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7089\/revisions\/7092"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7091"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7089"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7089"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7089"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}