{"id":7083,"date":"2025-05-14T12:58:58","date_gmt":"2025-05-14T17:58:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7083"},"modified":"2025-05-12T16:03:24","modified_gmt":"2025-05-12T21:03:24","slug":"rockefeller-chapel-to-get-sleek-cool-upgrade-once-they-figure-out-who-put-that-scaffolding-up-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/05\/14\/rockefeller-chapel-to-get-sleek-cool-upgrade-once-they-figure-out-who-put-that-scaffolding-up-there\/","title":{"rendered":"Rockefeller Chapel to Get Sleek, Cool Upgrade Once They Figure Out Who Put That Scaffolding Up There."},"content":{"rendered":"

Gothic-style haters rejoice! The University of Chicago has officially publicized its plans to turn Rockefeller Chapel into a monument of modern architecture.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ted Mosby, the building\u2019s new architect, has stated,. \u201cEvery wall is gonna be a window! They\u2019ll be mirrored on the outside <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> the inside. It\u2019s a metaphor.\u201d Rumors suggested the project had been delayed due to protests from every gargoyle on campus, but the <\/span>Dealer<\/span><\/i> found it was for another reason entirely.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

University leadership admitted in a press conference Tuesday that the scaffolding was not actually theirs. When asked how this could have happened, University President Paul Alivisatos dabbed his forehead with a gold monogrammed handkerchief, saying, \u201cThey\u2026they just put it up so fast.\u201d The scaffolding has been allowed to remain due to concerns that it has something to do with Scav, or maybe free speech.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Mosby appeared unhappy that his plans had been forestalled. \u201cIt was going to have this coffee shop with a view of a brand-new helipad!\u201d The helipad, of course, is included in the plans to supplement the University\u2019s new Via program: Lyftcopter.<\/span><\/p>\n

Reporters climbed the scaffolding to speak with construction workers about the issue. Construction manager Robert Th\u2019Builder stated: \u201cWe were told to just kind of\u2026 make construction noises.\u201d The logo on the scaffolding indicates that it belongs to the Querulous Unique Animal Care Klub (QUACK). The <\/span>Dealer<\/span><\/i> was told this organization has no affiliation with the ducks of the Botany Pond, despite popular belief.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The scaffolding has become a concern for other buildings across campus. Ida Noyes, fearing it would be next, has recruited fraternity pledges to stand watch for the rogue scaffolders. Officials in charge of the Regenstein Library believe themselves safe from any new construction, stating, \u201cThis building could not possibly be improved upon. Why would we need scaffolding?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As for Rockefeller Chapel, Alivisatos confidently stated that the construction will continue on schedule, due to be finished right after your graduation. \u201cThe situation is under control. But, it\u2019s really not funny anymore guys.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

University leadership admitted in a press conference Tuesday that the scaffolding was not actually theirs. When asked how this could have happened, University President Paul Alivisatos dabbed his forehead with a gold monogrammed handkerchief, saying, \u201cThey\u2026they just put it up so fast.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":7085,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7083","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7083","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7083"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7083\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7086,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7083\/revisions\/7086"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7085"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7083"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7083"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7083"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}