{"id":7044,"date":"2025-04-29T13:14:05","date_gmt":"2025-04-29T18:14:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7044"},"modified":"2025-04-28T23:30:11","modified_gmt":"2025-04-29T04:30:11","slug":"five-caricature-artists-to-befriend-if-you-want-to-make-it-in-this-town","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/04\/29\/five-caricature-artists-to-befriend-if-you-want-to-make-it-in-this-town\/","title":{"rendered":"Five Caricature Artists to Befriend if You Want to Make it in This Town"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019re anything like me, your lifelong dream is to make it in this town. You want to <\/span>be<\/span><\/i> somebody. You want to join the big leagues. You want to live the American dream and give Lady Luck a big, slobbery kiss on the cheek. But to have even half a snowball\u2019s chance in hell of any of that stuff happening, you\u2019re gonna want to make friends with these six caricature artists.<\/span>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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  1. Martin \u201cThe Mushroom\u201d Womble<\/b><\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\nMartin\u2019s been working as a caricature artist in this town for eighty-three years, having gotten his big break drawing caricatures of returning soldiers hoping to let off steam after the Battle of the Bulge. No one can remember how Martin ended up with the nickname \u201cThe Mushroom,\u201d although it\u2019s generally thought to have been some sort of convoluted joke about Catholics. Martin is not only one of the most experienced caricature artists alive, he also has extensive connections in local business, politics, and drug trafficking, and his friendship is of paramount importance if you\u2019re going anywhere in this town.\u00a0<\/span>\r\n\r\n\r\n
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    1. Melissa Belissa Kelissa<\/b><\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\nMelissa insists that Melissa Belissa Kelissa is her real, legal name, which can\u2019t possibly be true. Noses, teeth, eyebrows\u2014the long and short of it is, she draws faces that are fucked up and comical to a maximal extent, and you\u2019re gonna need her in your inner circle if you want to make something of yourself instead of languishing as an absolute zero for your entire life.<\/span>\r\n\r\n\r\n
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      1. Quicksand Quentin<\/b><\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\nQuicksand Quentin was my first love. We met in the summer of 1991 at a county fair, and from the moment I set eyes on him, I understood how beauty could have levelled Troy. For three months we were inseparable; for three months I had proof that Heaven was not a lie. Our final night together was a hurricane of pure, ecstatic pleasure that unmasked us both as animals and angels. When he left that morning, it shattered my heart irrevocably, but I have never regretted a second that we shared, because his love redeemed me, and with me, the world. He\u2019s also a very well regarded caricature artist, and you should really make his acquaintance if you want to get ahead.<\/span>\r\n\r\n\r\n
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        1. Mitt Romney<\/b><\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\n\u201cWait, Mitt Romney is a caricature artist?\u201d Yes, and he\u2019s very good. While he may have started out as a mayor or something, he\u2019s spent years honing his caricaturitorial skills and is now the \u201cbest in the biz,\u201d or up there at least. He\u2019s an absolutely essential friend to have if you want to make it in this town. Just make sure you don\u2019t come to him until you\u2019ve already made it a little bit in this town, because if you\u2019re poor, he\u2019ll be able to sense it the minute he sees you, and it will make him vomit uncontrollably. And that\u2019s awful.<\/span>\r\n\r\n\r\n
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          1. Scrobbles the Cat<\/strong><\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\nWho knew cats could draw caricatures??? Well, they can\u2019t; Scrobbles is the only one. Scientists still don\u2019t know what the heck is going on with that, but they can all agree that he\u2019s sick as fuck, and so will you. If you\u2019re not a brainless imbecile, you\u2019ll be jumping at the chance to befriend Scrobbles. Use him as your one-way ticket to Easy Street, then you can kick his mangy feline ass to the curb. Haha, just kidding. Don\u2019t tell Scrobbles I said that. Seriously, keep it quiet.<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            \u201cWait, Mitt Romney is a caricature artist?\u201d Yes, and he\u2019s very good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":7046,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7044"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7044"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7044\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7047,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7044\/revisions\/7047"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7046"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}