{"id":7028,"date":"2025-04-13T09:45:47","date_gmt":"2025-04-13T14:45:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=7028"},"modified":"2025-04-05T14:18:11","modified_gmt":"2025-04-05T19:18:11","slug":"elon-musk-announces-new-ninja-branch-of-doge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/04\/13\/elon-musk-announces-new-ninja-branch-of-doge\/","title":{"rendered":"Elon Musk Announces New Ninja Branch of DOGE"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This Thursday, Elon Musk unveiled his new \u201cNinja Branch\u201d of the Department of Government Efficiency (also known as DOGE), which will be used to stalk government employees and report back on their activities. Musk unveiled the ninjas during a ceremony on Thursday, during which he dramatically ripped back a curtain to showcase an empty stage, which he implied was actually filled completely with ninjas trained in the arts of stealth and combat and loyal only to him.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The ninjas, who have remained unseen for the entire duration of their department\u2019s short existence, are supposedly descendants of the great Mienai Kage clan, who were allegedly wiped out during a feud with the old Dai \u014ckomi clan. Musk has credited them with a number of accomplishments already, including achieving peace in the Middle East overnight, the stabilization of the American economy, and the efficient removal of several government officials found to be taking time off for \u201cmaternity leave.\u201d When pressed for details regarding these operations, Elon remained tight-lipped and stated, \u201cThey\u2019re like ninja guys. If you have any evidence that they exist, then they&#8217;re like\u2026 really not good ninjas. That\u2019s how I see it anyways. Not that I see them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When asked for more details about how Musk came into contact with the mystical ninja clan, Musk responded, \u201cI mean, they\u2019ve always been here, just like\u2026 in the shadows. Waiting for their time to emerge into the light.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The money for the new department will be taken from the old Department of Education, after Linda McMahon was found shot through the chest with an arrow.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Musk unveiled the ninjas during a ceremony on Thursday, during which he dramatically ripped back a curtain to showcase an empty stage, which he implied was actually filled completely with ninjas trained in the arts of stealth and combat and loyal only to him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":7029,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7028"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7028"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7028\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7030,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7028\/revisions\/7030"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7029"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7028"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7028"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7028"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}