{"id":6977,"date":"2025-03-23T08:41:43","date_gmt":"2025-03-23T13:41:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6977"},"modified":"2025-03-11T18:47:37","modified_gmt":"2025-03-11T23:47:37","slug":"people-names-luigi-mangione-sexiest-assassin-of-the-year","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/23\/people-names-luigi-mangione-sexiest-assassin-of-the-year\/","title":{"rendered":"People Names Luigi Mangione Sexiest Assassin of the Year"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a special edition issue of <\/span>People<\/span><\/i>, the editors named Luigi Mangione\u2014graduate of the University of Pennsylvania and avid hiker\u2014the sexiest assassin of the year. Mangione\u2019s wide margin in the vote supplanted John Wilkes Booth in 1865 as the greatest landslide in <\/span>People<\/span><\/i>\u2019s decision-making history.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mangione accepted the award in the Metropolitan Detention Center, where he is currently being held. Police handed him the magazine, which he expressed disappointment upon receiving, as he had been hoping it would be something more intellectual, such as cheap pornography.<\/span><\/p>\n

University of Alabama Professor of Sexiness Studies Jenna Hottz concurred with the committee\u2019s decision: \u201cLuigi is on the Mount Rushmore of hotness for murderers, if I may say so myself. Luigi, if you\u2019re listening, I live in Pennsylvania and I would like to **** ****** *********.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

*Editor’s note: Professor Hottz\u2019s interview was cut short as her rant turned explicit.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mangione\u2019s acceptance speech was short. He first proclaimed that he \u201cdid not pretend to be the most qualified person to assess the criteria for this award.\u201d However, keeping in line with his previous actions, he still planned on murdering the entirety of the editorial board. We at the <\/span>Dealer <\/span><\/i>have neither the space nor the energy to include the rest of his speech. It is worth noting that he called his speech a \u201cmanifesto.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The Nights of the Squaretable, the board responsible for the voting process, have been handing out this prestigious honor for decades. Previous winners include Ted Bundy, who the editors praised for his \u201ccharm and charisma. He almost made us forget he killed all those people.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

They also bestowed the title on O.J. Simpson in 1996, despite his acquittal for murder the previous year, saying, \u201cDid you see the trial? He did it.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We reached out to the University of Chicago registrar to inquire about any professors that might be of use for this piece. Apparently, \u201csexiness is not a trait we value at this university.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

University of Alabama Professor of Sexiness Studies Jenna Hottz concurred with the committee\u2019s decision: \u201cLuigi is on the Mount Rushmore of hotness for murderers, if I may say so myself. Luigi, if you\u2019re listening, I live in Pennsylvania and I would like to **** ****** *********.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":6978,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-off-campus-life","category-sex-and-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6977","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6977"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6977\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6980,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6977\/revisions\/6980"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6978"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6977"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6977"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6977"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}