{"id":6957,"date":"2025-03-25T13:36:23","date_gmt":"2025-03-25T18:36:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6957"},"modified":"2025-03-11T12:43:53","modified_gmt":"2025-03-11T17:43:53","slug":"scientists-admit-smoking-not-actually-bad-for-you-we-just-wanted-attention","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2025\/03\/25\/scientists-admit-smoking-not-actually-bad-for-you-we-just-wanted-attention\/","title":{"rendered":"Scientists Admit Smoking Not Actually Bad for You: “We Just Wanted Attention”"},"content":{"rendered":"

CDC\u2014The nation\u2019s scientists made a shocking revelation on Wednesday when they admitted that smoking tobacco has no negative health consequences whatsoever. They had only suggested otherwise because they \u201cjust wanted attention.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe truth is, it\u2019s totally fine to smoke a cigarette,\u201d the scientists said in a joint statement. \u201cHell, it\u2019s fine to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, every day. Two packs, even. It\u2019s fine to do that, and you\u2019ll be fine if you do it, it\u2019s fine.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The group explained that contrary to claims that tobacco smoke is harmful to the lungs and circulatory system, its effects are, in fact, entirely benign. \u201cThe lungs actually really like tobacco smoke, in a certain way,\u201d they wrote. \u201cThe smoke just kind of sits there, and \u2018tickles\u2019 the lungs, in a manner of speaking. Sometimes the lungs just need a cigarette or two to chill out a bit, and chilling out is the most important part of healthy living. No one ever got cancer from chilling out.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s painful to admit, but the fact is, we always knew there was no evidence that smoking was bad for you. We made it up whole cloth, because we wanted to feel important, and to have people tell us how important we were, and how smart we were at science.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The group further explained that there had been very little for scientists to do following the invention of Silly Putty in 1943, and that a variety of schemes were hatched in the following decades in order to increase their relevance, including not only the smoking hoax but also falsely smearing nuclear radiation as hazardous, fraudulently theorizing the existence of quarks, and dinosaurs.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re so lonely and sad,\u201d they wrote.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFrankly, this has been a long time coming,\u201d said Lou Morrison, a 63-year-old smoker from Dubuque, Iowa. \u201cI\u2019ve been saying for years how smoking\u2019s not actually bad for you. Matter of fact, I think it\u2019s good for you. I smoke every day and I\u2019m the strongest boy you\u2019ll ever see.\u201d Morrison went on to vindicate this claim by lifting a table that two large men were sitting on.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“We made it up whole cloth, because we wanted to feel important, and to have people tell us how important we were, and how smart we were at science.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":6958,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[28],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6957","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-scientific-excellence"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6957","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6957"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6957\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6959,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6957\/revisions\/6959"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6958"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6957"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6957"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6957"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}