In a move straight out of a dystopian movie, UChicago Medicine has unveiled a controversial new fundraising strategy: speeding up cancer growth in patients until a donor ponies up $100 million to reinvest in the University’s “Free Speech” program.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“We’re committed to two things: groundbreaking research and the unfiltered exchange of ideas,” said a spokesperson for the hospital, carefully dodging questions about ethics. “Sometimes, those ideas include… unconventional incentives.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Patients and their families are understandably concerned. “One minute, they were talking about treatment breakthroughs, and the next, they handed me a pamphlet titled The Price of Free Speech: Your Tumor’s Role.<\/em> What is this, a Twilight Zone episode?\u201d asked one baffled patient.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Critics accuse UChicago of weaponizing its medical prowess, though insiders claim the strategy has been “shockingly effective.” Reports suggest that a mysterious donor\u2014rumored to be a tech billionaire with a vendetta against cancel culture\u2014has already pledged half the goal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When pressed for comment, the Free Speech program’s director offered a cryptic defense. “Cancer grows, just like ideas. It\u2019s a metaphor. Or maybe it\u2019s not. You decide\u2014that’s free speech in action.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Students, meanwhile, are demanding transparency. “First, I have to take a Biology class, and now this?” said one third-year student. “Honestly, I just want to graduate before they start auctioning off my vital organs for the humanities department.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When pressed for comment, the Free Speech program’s director offered a cryptic defense. “Cancer grows, just like ideas. It\u2019s a metaphor. Or maybe it\u2019s not. You decide\u2014that’s free speech in action.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":6882,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6880","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6880","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6880"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6880\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6883,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6880\/revisions\/6883"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6882"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6880"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6880"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6880"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}