{"id":6813,"date":"2024-11-17T16:49:46","date_gmt":"2024-11-17T22:49:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6813"},"modified":"2024-11-17T16:49:47","modified_gmt":"2024-11-17T22:49:47","slug":"point-beware-of-the-zombie-apocalypse-counterpoint-brainsssss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/17\/point-beware-of-the-zombie-apocalypse-counterpoint-brainsssss\/","title":{"rendered":"Point: Beware of the Zombie Apocalypse\/ Counterpoint: Brainsssss"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Point: Beware of the Zombie Apocalypse<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WARNING: ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We at the Bureau of Undead Containment have recently received alerts of multiple sightings of \u201cmushy grey-pink slush\u201d in relatively isolated areas, which our scientists have confirmed are scattered brains. Reports of \u201cgreen slime\u201d in the shape of footprints, as well as \u201crandom green guys\u201d in alleyways, have also been increasing at an alarming rate. One of our cameras caught 8.675 seconds of footage of two decaying green arms waving in and out of frame.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We suspect zombies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We warn all citizens to take necessary precautions. At the bare minimum, lock all your doors when not in use and wear government-approved helmets.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a side note, if you insist on celebrating Halloween (which we strongly discourage), do not dress up as a zombie; our zombie-fighters <em>will <\/em>throw a dart at you, regardless of how ridiculous your costume looks, as they are easily confused.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Counterpoint: Brainsssss&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Hey, I\u2019m not a zombie, but I tried some brains that I found behind a bush, and I have to say, they\u2019re nothing short of absolutely amazing. They\u2019re the best combination of sweet and salty, and I can\u2019t believe I was missing out on this! I also ate some pig\u2019 brains, but those don\u2019t taste as good as human ones. I\u2019ve been lurking in the alleyways with my trusty helmet and anti-zombie spray to eat scraps, but I really want more. You should try some too! Maybe we can come up with a strat to max out the number of brains we can find.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After eating half of a middle schooler\u2019s brains, I suddenly remembered the \u201csurvival of the fittest\u201d thingy I learned back in science class, and it definitely applies here. Now, I\u2019m not saying that we should start killing each other for brains (but seriously, you\u2019ve <em>got<\/em> to try some), but that we can all appreciate and support the zombies\u2019 way of life. Also, the more \u201cfit\u201d can eat more brains, so really, by eating more brains, we\u2019re just proving that we\u2019re more fit. So don\u2019t support the nanny state \u201cno eating brains\u201d regulation! It\u2019ll prevent us from eating something delicious and from proving that we\u2019re fit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m not a zombie, but I\u2019m coming for you next, nerds.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We at the Bureau of Undead Containment have recently received alerts of multiple sightings of \u201cmushy grey-pink slush\u201d in relatively isolated areas, which our scientists have confirmed are scattered brains. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2086,"featured_media":6814,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6813","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-off-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6813","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2086"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6813"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6813\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6815,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6813\/revisions\/6815"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6814"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6813"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6813"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6813"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}