{"id":6780,"date":"2024-11-10T11:19:00","date_gmt":"2024-11-10T17:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6780"},"modified":"2024-11-09T11:32:26","modified_gmt":"2024-11-09T17:32:26","slug":"balloon-triggers-south-fire-alarm-officials-raise-concerns-about-chinese-involvement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/10\/balloon-triggers-south-fire-alarm-officials-raise-concerns-about-chinese-involvement\/","title":{"rendered":"Balloon Triggers South Fire Alarm; Officials Raise Concerns About Chinese Involvement"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n<p>In the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, November 3, students living in Renee Granville-Grossman Residential Commons evacuated the building due to a fire alarm. The Chicago Fire Department swiftly arrived on the scene and determined that it was triggered by a stray balloon in DelGiorno House.\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>The <em>Dealer<\/em> has learned exclusively through an anonymous source that all University of Chicago fire detection systems are trained to recognize any balloons as surveillance contraptions capable of recording sensitive information regarding campus life.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>President Biden shared his assessment of the situation with reporters: \u201cWell, folks\u2014you see, Paul Alivisatos and Xi Jinping\u2014you know, national security is really important. And listen, folks, you gotta understand. Trump and his MAGA republicans don\u2019t want our students to learn. Seriously. You gotta get out and vote. Vote against\u2026 vote for the spy balloons! A vote for Donald Trump is a vote for Paul Alivisatos, folks! We gotta finish the job I started. Hear me out. Hear me out. That\u2019s why I\u2019m gonna be the balloon\u2019s running mate in 2028.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>The <em>Dealer<\/em> has also obtained a statement from the balloon: \u201cI continue to believe that both Donald Trump and Kamala Harris are harmful to the United States\u2019 national security, and for that reason, I endorse Xi Jinping for president in 2024.\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p>UPDATE: The Renee fire alarm was triggered again at approximately 7 a.m. on Tuesday, October 15th. While the University has not confirmed the alarm\u2019s cause, theories include:\u00a0<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<ul>\r\n<li>A dainty speck of dust<\/li>\r\n<li>Someone failing at blowing their bong smoke out the window<\/li>\r\n<li>Biden getting lost in Cathey house somehow<\/li>\r\n<li>A cow kicking over a lantern (once wasn\u2019t enough for Chicago)<\/li>\r\n<li>Another spy balloon, I guess<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, November 3, students living in Renee Granville-Grossman Residential Commons evacuated the building due to a fire alarm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":6783,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6780"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6780"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6780\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6789,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6780\/revisions\/6789"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6783"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6780"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6780"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6780"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}