{"id":6754,"date":"2024-11-04T23:30:53","date_gmt":"2024-11-05T05:30:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6754"},"modified":"2025-02-02T19:27:20","modified_gmt":"2025-02-03T01:27:20","slug":"south-to-install-new-vibe-based-fire-alarms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/04\/south-to-install-new-vibe-based-fire-alarms\/","title":{"rendered":"South to Install New \u201cVibe-Based\u201d Fire Alarms"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After two recent false alarms, Renee Granville-Grossman Residential Commons will be replacing all current motion-based fire alarms with new \u201cvibe-based\u201d models.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Otto Davis, inventor of the new fire alarms, stated that \u201cwe really need to build our world for the next generation, you know?\u201d He quietly added, \u201ceven if they\u2019re fucking morons\u201d when he thought our reporter wasn\u2019t listening.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The fire alarms are set to run on an innovative new AI program.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When asked how it works, the AI program released the smell of marijuana from the vents and said, \u201cDude, you wouldn\u2019t ask Picasso how he paints, would you? I\u2019ve got it covered, man.\u201d When further pressed, it relented, saying, \u201cJust, like, whenever the mood is off, you know? Or, like, if too many students are sleeping. I guess just expect an alarm every other week or something.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cEh, can\u2019t be worse than the old ones,\u201d said Travis McJohnson, a first-year in DelGiorno house. Rhonda Moore, a third-year from Keller house, believes that \u201cthe universe is just balancing out from the return of the duck pond.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The University also plans to update the fire alarm sound to render it even less clear that students need to evacuate the building. The current frontrunner for the new alarm sound is \u201camateur ukulele.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After two recent false alarms, Renee Granville-Grossman Residential Commons will be replacing all current motion-based fire alarms with new \u201cvibe-based\u201d models.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2089,"featured_media":6757,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6754"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2089"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6754"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6754\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6895,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6754\/revisions\/6895"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6757"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6754"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6754"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6754"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}