With a new year starting at UChicago, now is a great time to think about those special someones at school that you wouldn\u2019t mind getting closer to. To that end, the Dealer has put together a list of the 5 most eligible bachelors on UChicago\u2019s campus.
\n1. Kevin Rockefeller \u2013 If you\u2019re gonna go for rich, you might as well go for very rich. Kevin has an apartment at Solstice, a Range Rover double parked in a handicap spot, and he\u2019s looking for somebody to share them with. Kevin\u2019s great grandfather helped found UChicago, and that means he can snort Adderall during class. Sure, he\u2019s a little short and maybe his parents are responsible for That Thing That Happened in Bolivia, but he\u2019s an interesting guy with a lot of special qualities. He might not remember your birthday, but he will pay for your health insurance.
\n2. Eric M. Heath \u2013 Security Alert: Love! Some people may know Eric M. Heath as UChicago\u2019s Associate Vice President of Safety and Security, but did you know that he\u2019s also a sensitive romantic looking to settle down? Beneath that tough exterior, Eric loves salsa music, cooking and the Clery Act. To get in touch with him, call him on his phone or commit a crime somewhere near campus and wait for him to come running.
\n3. That guy in SOSC looking at dirt bikes on his computer \u2013 It\u2019s hard to put your finger on it, but there\u2019s just something about this guy. He hasn\u2019t looked up from his laptop for the entire period. The TA just asked a question about Marx and he started talking about BMX. Mysterious. Alluring.
\n4. Harmonica Legend Ronald Bicker \u2013 Rolling Stone Magazine called him \u201ca generational artist.\u201d Bob Dylan called him \u201cmy best friend.\u201d That\u2019s right, it’s the Ramblin\u2019 Man from West Spokane himself, Ronald \u201cTinhorn\u201d Bicker. In decades past, Ronald revolutionized the way we think about harmonica music and the blues genre as a whole. Now, he\u2019s ready to revolutionize your love life. Let Ronald serenade you with some of his classic tunes like \u201cI Killed a Man with My Harmonica\u201d and \u201cRadiohead.\u201d
\n5. Canvas \u2013 Let\u2019s be honest here, you\u2019ll be spending most of your time with this thing anyway. At least you\u2019ll never have to worry about it ghosting you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
2. Eric M. Heath \u2013 Security Alert: Love! Some people may know Eric M. Heath as UChicago\u2019s Associate Vice President of Safety and Security, but did you know that he\u2019s also a sensitive romantic looking to settle down? Beneath that tough exterior, Eric loves salsa music, cooking and the Clery Act. To get in touch with him, call him on his phone or commit a crime somewhere near campus and wait for him to come running.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2081,"featured_media":6733,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6732","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6732","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2081"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6732"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6732\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6734,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6732\/revisions\/6734"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6733"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6732"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6732"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6732"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}