{"id":6683,"date":"2024-10-07T14:40:24","date_gmt":"2024-10-07T19:40:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6683"},"modified":"2024-10-07T14:40:24","modified_gmt":"2024-10-07T19:40:24","slug":"third-year-frat-brother-says-he-majors-in-bizcon-for-the-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/10\/07\/third-year-frat-brother-says-he-majors-in-bizcon-for-the-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Third Year Frat Brother Says He Majors in Bizcon \u201cFor the Children\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a developing story coming out of Fiji House, frat brother Kyle Smith-Jones-Johnson III has announced that he will be majoring in business economics \u201cfor the children\u201d (and for Goldman Sachs).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Smith-Jones-Johnson declared that he would apply his financial acumen to the cause of disadvantaged youths. \u201cI grew up in the outskirts of Beverly Hills, not the Hills proper, so I know what it\u2019s like to struggle,\u201d said Smith-Jones-Johnson. \u201cWe summered in Martha\u2019s Vineyard, not Nantucket\u2026if you know what I mean.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Smith-Jones-Johnson clarified that he would donate a percentage of his future company\u2019s earnings to children in need (or at least in want). When pressed about what his company actually does, Smith-Jones-Johnson said that while he only has \u201cconcepts of a company\u201d he plans to \u201csynergize key performance indicators using Phoenix AI powered tools to innovate modular systems for a rapidly changing dynamic modern world.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fellow Fiji brothers Matt, Nick A, Nick B, Alex, Luke, Bret, Chet, Junior, Chet Junior, Chad, and Nick C. have been named the trustees at Kyle\u2019s new publicly traded not-not-for-profit (501c3). \u201cWe all love Kyle so much,\u201d the group said in unison. \u201cHe\u2019s a classic Mother Teresa chiller.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cHe ain\u2019t doing shit for us,\u201d said local orphan Oliver Mickleby. However, other orphans expressed appreciation for Smith-Jones-Johnson\u2019s willingness to lend his expertise in short-selling and insider-trading on behalf of the urchin community.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In a developing story coming out of Fiji House, frat brother Kyle Smith-Jones-Johnson III has announced that he will be majoring in business economics \u201cfor the children\u201d (and for Goldman Sachs).\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6684,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6683","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6683","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6683"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6683\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6686,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6683\/revisions\/6686"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6684"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6683"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6683"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6683"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}