{"id":6628,"date":"2024-05-24T19:26:18","date_gmt":"2024-05-25T00:26:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6628"},"modified":"2024-05-24T15:29:49","modified_gmt":"2024-05-24T20:29:49","slug":"joseph-malaria-hopes-they-dont-name-anything-bad-after-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/05\/24\/joseph-malaria-hopes-they-dont-name-anything-bad-after-him\/","title":{"rendered":"Joseph Malaria Hopes They Don&#8217;t Name Anything Bad After Him"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">October 19th, 1880<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">STAGNANT POND \u2013 Joseph Malaria, a local man from Stagnant Pond, has expressed that he doesn\u2019t want anything bad to be named after him. \u201cThat\u2019s like my worst fear,\u201d he told the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in an interview. \u201cLike, I\u2019ve had a great life. I have a wife, I have kids, I have an award-winning collection of mosquitos. Nothing but good things. Having something bad named after me would really cast a shadow on that. It would make no sense for anyone to name anything bad after me. So don\u2019t do it.\u201d Joseph currently spends his days \u201cchilling\u201d by still bodies of water in equatorial regions.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Joseph\u2019s friends have expressed concern that his name might become associated with a terrible malady. \u201cJust look at what they did to me,\u201d said Joseph\u2019s neighbor, Anthony Human-Papillomavirus. \u201cOne day you\u2019re sitting around minding your own business and then suddenly condoms have a warning with your name on it and your kids are too embarrassed to go to school.\u201d Joseph\u2019s friend, Paul Rabies, chimed in, \u201cYeah, it\u2019s like everything\u2019s cool one second, and the next everyone\u2019s looking at you like you\u2019re about to bite a second-grader again.\u201d When asked for a closing quote, Joseph said, \u201cWait does anyone else have flu-like symptoms and night sweats right now? I\u2019m kind of freaking out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Joseph\u2019s friends have expressed concern that his name might become associated with a terrible malady. \u201cJust look at what they did to me,\u201d said Joseph\u2019s neighbor, Anthony Human-Papillomavirus. \u201cOne day you\u2019re sitting around minding your own business and then suddenly condoms have a warning with your name on it and your kids are too embarrassed to go to school.\u201d Joseph\u2019s friend, Paul Rabies, chimed in, \u201cYeah, it\u2019s like everything\u2019s cool one second, and the next everyone\u2019s looking at you like you\u2019re about to bite a second-grader again.\u201d <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6629,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6628"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6628"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6628\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6630,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6628\/revisions\/6630"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6629"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6628"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6628"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6628"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}