{"id":6598,"date":"2024-04-06T12:51:01","date_gmt":"2024-04-06T17:51:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6598"},"modified":"2024-04-02T23:55:36","modified_gmt":"2024-04-03T04:55:36","slug":"report-human-nature-primarily-driven-by-love-not-fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/04\/06\/report-human-nature-primarily-driven-by-love-not-fear\/","title":{"rendered":"Report: Human Nature Primarily Driven by Love, Not Fear"},"content":{"rendered":"

COBB CAFE\u2014 Over the course of three months, Dr. Whippoor conducted a landmark study to test whether more students would order Diesel from Cobb Cafe out of fear or out of love. In the first month\u2014to test the baseline\u2014Dr. Whippoor recorded a total of five (paying) customers. She acknowledges that she may have fallen asleep several times out of pure boredom, but it is unlikely that she missed anything important.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re the best control group,\u201d explained Dr. Sarah Whippoor. \u201cThey all enjoy the exact same style of coffee, so obviously everything else about them must be the same too: emotionless, insecure, and a little psychotic.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

During the second month, Dr. Whippoor printed several bright pink posters about love in Cobb, ranging from \u201cBetter Than Datamatch: Meet Your Soulmate Here\u201d to \u201cPurchase a Heart! You Need One and We Have Plenty.\u201d A line immediately formed running from the basement to the fourth floor, with students desperately trying to order \u201ca Diesel with a lover to-go.\u201d Dr. Whippoor did not see anyone exiting the Cafe with a new lover, but she did record 493 students who bought coffee.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

During the third month, the scientist hired several paid assassins to wander the quad and threaten students to buy Diesel at Cobb. The scientist recorded two student customers, 1000\u00a0 injuries, and five fatalities, although the scientist \u201cdisregarded the second and third number since it wasn\u2019t relevant for the study, and was <\/span>not<\/span><\/i> caused by [her] actions.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thus, she concluded in her published study, human nature was much more inclined to love than fear.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A recent study published by Dr. Sarah Whippoor has reached a fascinating conclusion: the human soul is controlled by love rather than fear.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2086,"featured_media":6599,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6598"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2086"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6598"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6598\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6601,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6598\/revisions\/6601"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6599"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6598"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6598"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6598"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}