{"id":6528,"date":"2024-02-18T20:01:42","date_gmt":"2024-02-19T02:01:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6528"},"modified":"2024-02-18T20:01:42","modified_gmt":"2024-02-19T02:01:42","slug":"creative-writing-department-announces-new-specialization-in-shitty-new-adult-novels","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/02\/18\/creative-writing-department-announces-new-specialization-in-shitty-new-adult-novels\/","title":{"rendered":"Creative Writing Department Announces New Specialization in Shitty New Adult Novels"},"content":{"rendered":"

This Monday, the Creative Writing department announced an exciting new addition to their range of specializations: shitty new adult novels! Formulated specially for the changing interests of the younger generations, the University is confident it will cement its alums as the leading producers of hot-garbage-books.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

With the rise of \u201cbooktok\u201d and \u201cbookstagram,\u201d program director John Wilkinson has stated that \u201cthe department needs to get with the times and embrace the burgeoning literary movement of compiling the worst tropes you\u2019ve ever seen into something vaguely resembling a book.\u201d When pushed for further comment,Wilkinson admitted that the specialization was only added after the department \u201cfound out the truly sickening profit margins you can get writing this shit.\u201d It seems that even faculty at UChicago have given in to the allure of selling glorified trauma porn disguised as books. Wilkinson frantically qualified that the new curriculum books can\u2019t be porn because the University Bookstore already has a section of them, so they \u201cmust be legit.\u201d When informed that those books are definitely still porn, he became despondent at the trajectory of his career and we had to cut the interview short.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Required classes include: \u2018the half-bed trope: even better than one bed!\u2019, \u2018consent and how to circumvent it\u2019, \u2018why write characters when you can sculpt a red flag out of clay and pray to the gods to bring it to life\u2019, and \u2018the delicate art of cramming all your nonsensical world-building into the first and last twenty pages.\u2019 Professor Maggie Brown gave us this advice for aspiring writers curious about the sorts of tools learned in the new specialization: \u201cIf you\u2019re struggling to build an intricate world with plausible characters, you\u2019re already doing it wrong. Scrap all that, create an unnecessarily violent Hogwarts rip-off, give your main character the personality of wet cardboard, and don\u2019t even bother developing anyone else. Are they somehow the blandest yet most irritating person you\u2019ve ever met with no skills or interpersonal intelligence? No matter, they\u2019re special, you see, and everyone treats them like they\u2019re the center of the fucking universe because they have odd colored eyes or some shit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

We asked the first student to declare the specialization, second-year Nyx Nightshade, why she picked it: \u201cI just really admire all the lonely 20-somethings who\u2019ve made a living by leveraging really problematic concepts into hype for a book that glorifies all of them.\u201d She added that she\u2019s most excited to learn the careful balance of growling and dubious physical contact required to make an MMC (Male Main Character) compelling. And it\u2019s all packaged with a cover that looks like an AI got a smoothie dumped on it before vomiting a randomized amalgamation of tiny brunette girls, an absolute gigachad, metallic snakes, skulls, and some kind of weapon. Does it make any sense in the context of the story? We have no idea, and even after you\u2019ve read it, neither will you. What\u2019s not to love?<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Required classes include: \u2018the half-bed trope: even better than one bed!\u2019, \u2018consent and how to circumvent it\u2019, \u2018why write characters when you can sculpt a red flag out of clay and pray to the gods to bring it to life\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2081,"featured_media":6531,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arts-culture","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2081"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6528"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6528\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6532,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6528\/revisions\/6532"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6531"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}