{"id":6510,"date":"2024-02-18T19:45:45","date_gmt":"2024-02-19T01:45:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6510"},"modified":"2024-02-18T19:45:45","modified_gmt":"2024-02-19T01:45:45","slug":"dining-halls-offer-water-only-as-of-winter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/02\/18\/dining-halls-offer-water-only-as-of-winter\/","title":{"rendered":"Dining Halls Offer Water Only As of Winter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After weeks of deliberation, the University of Chicago administration has made a big decision: as of Winter Quarter of 2024, dining halls will not offer any other drink option besides water. This includes\u2014but is not limited to\u2014eliminating soda, lemonade, tea, and soup.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The spokesperson for this committee asserted that \u201ca healthy amount of hydrogen and oxygen atoms will enter the student\u2019s stomach instead of the sugar they inhale all the time.\u201d She asked us to \u201cimagine all the trashy options with cavity-inducing chemicals\u2026 gone. And replaced with the healthiest option: water.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Last Monday, dozens of giant trucks pulled up to various dining halls on campus and unloaded several thousand gallons of water. The amount of water was so great that workers had to be hired off the streets in order to finish carrying all of the jugs into the kitchens and storage rooms.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Students have expressed their utter dismay at this new change.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI\u2019m in love with my dentist!\u201d one tear-ridden student exclaimed. \u201cIf I don\u2019t have access to unlimited Gatorade, how else would I find an excuse to keep coming back to his office?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The administration stands firm with this replacement, however.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIf all goes well,\u201d the spokesperson added at the end of the interview, \u201cwe\u2019ll replace all the food with salad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The spokesperson for this committee asserted that \u201ca healthy amount of hydrogen and oxygen atoms will enter the student\u2019s stomach instead of the sugar they inhale all the time.\u201d She asked us to \u201cimagine all the trashy options with cavity-inducing chemicals\u2026 gone. And replaced with the healthiest option: water.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2086,"featured_media":6513,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6510","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6510","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2086"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6510"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6510\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6514,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6510\/revisions\/6514"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6513"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6510"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6510"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6510"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}