{"id":6497,"date":"2024-02-08T07:35:37","date_gmt":"2024-02-08T13:35:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6497"},"modified":"2024-02-07T15:48:42","modified_gmt":"2024-02-07T21:48:42","slug":"uchicago-launches-skincare-mlm-to-make-up-239-million-budget-deficit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2024\/02\/08\/uchicago-launches-skincare-mlm-to-make-up-239-million-budget-deficit\/","title":{"rendered":"UChicago Launches Skincare MLM to Make Up $239 Million Budget Deficit"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is the Chicago wind drying your skin? Could your pores get any larger? Are you plagued by stress breakouts because this school has no idea what a manageable workload is? Worry no more, UChicago has the solution for you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">UChi-ceuticals is the new proprietary skincare company focused on fixing skin problems caused by studying in dark, musty basements for twenty hours a day. Just sign up to be one of their valued retailers, and get your friends to sign up too (at least until they all block you). You\u2019ll be your own boss! Imagine having the freedom to decide which of the \u2018close friends\u2019 you haven\u2019t spoken to since freshman year of high school you will beg to buy all the aloe vera products you\u2019re slowly drowning under!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Importantly, the administration has stressed that this is \u201cabsolutely not a pyramid scheme\u201d, adding that it\u2019s \u201creally more of a trapezoid if you draw it.\u201d When asked what they hope for with this venture, their representative said, \u201cWe really just want to make our students\u2019 lives better. And since there <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">money involved, if I had to pick a random number, maybe something around\u2026 $239 million?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is the Chicago wind drying your skin? Could your pores get any larger? Are you plagued by stress breakouts because this school has no idea what a manageable workload is? Worry no more, UChicago has the solution for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2080,"featured_media":6498,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2080"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6497"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6497\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6499,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6497\/revisions\/6499"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6498"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}