{"id":6282,"date":"2023-05-09T15:00:28","date_gmt":"2023-05-09T20:00:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6282"},"modified":"2023-05-09T12:24:28","modified_gmt":"2023-05-09T17:24:28","slug":"divinity-school-discovers-new-12-holier-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/05\/09\/divinity-school-discovers-new-12-holier-god\/","title":{"rendered":"Divinity School Discovers New, \u201812% Holier\u2019 God"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">HYDE PARK \u2014 Researchers at the University of Chicago\u2019s Divinity School have discovered a new, \u2018slightly holier\u2019 God, a new paper announced Thursday. The paper, entitled \u2018Observation of a Novel Divine Entity with Superlative Holiness,\u2019 boasts impressive new advancements in the field of divinity research.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWe\u2019re proud to announce that our new discovery increases His Holiness\u2019 holiness by as much as 12 percent, or 14 percent on weekends,\u201d said lead researcher Shane Jedman. The paper, which utilized an innovative 25% more efficient prayer and meditation regimen than previous studies in order to more fully grasp the divine, already boasts hundreds of citations in upcoming publications. \u201cIf things go well, we\u2019ll be writing part 4 of the Abrahamic Religions canon pretty soon.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Asked to describe the difference between their newly isolated God and the old one, the researchers demurred. \u201cWe don\u2019t really see the difference as that fundamental,\u201d said Jedman, \u201cbut we do know that the new one is just that little bit more omnipresent, has that extra ounce of omnipotence, and is just a touch more omniscient.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Organized religion has largely been skeptical of the breakthrough. Pope Francis declared the paper a work of heresy, and a Vatican spokesperson estimated the true figure at a mere 4% additional holiness. The Union for Reform Judaism, in a press release, called the paper \u201cridiculous,\u201d questioning its financial ties to \u201cBig Omnipotence.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Asked about goals for future research, Jedman attributed the paper with finally \u201cputting within reach\u201d the Divinity School\u2019s long-running \u201c40 by 40\u201d initiative to develop a 40% more accurate understanding of truth and justice by 2040.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pope Francis declared the paper a work of heresy, and a Vatican spokesperson estimated the true figure at a mere 4% additional holiness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":425,"featured_media":6283,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-world-affairs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/425"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6282"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6282\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6284,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6282\/revisions\/6284"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6283"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}