{"id":6198,"date":"2023-04-25T13:21:18","date_gmt":"2023-04-25T18:21:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6198"},"modified":"2023-04-25T13:22:38","modified_gmt":"2023-04-25T18:22:38","slug":"meet-the-local-cow-named-least-likely-to-burn-down-city","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/04\/25\/meet-the-local-cow-named-least-likely-to-burn-down-city\/","title":{"rendered":"Meet the Local Cow Named Least Likely to Burn Down City"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>CHICAGO \u2014 Betsy, aged five, a cow owned by Chicago resident Mrs. O\u2019Leary, was named \u2018Least Likely to Start a Massive Fire\u2019 on Wednesday by the Mayoral Committee on Great Fire Prevention.<\/p>\n<p>When reached for comment, O\u2019Leary stated that she was \u201cmighty proud of Betsy\u201d and, now that the cow was newly certified not to be fire-prone, would reward her with a toasty gas lamp to accompany her through the city\u2019s infamously brutal cold and dark nights.<\/p>\n<p>Local urban planning officials remarked at the ceremony that \u2014 though the city\u2019s road network was \u201cpoorly planned\u201d and \u201cin need of a redesign\u201d \u2014 they were glad they could count on Mrs. O\u2019Leary\u2019s cow not to force the issue.<\/p>\n<p>The Holstein also took home the city\u2019s \u201cBest Behaved\u201d and \u201cWeakest Kicker\u201d medals. Farmers around the country seethed as their prized cows had to walk home empty-hooved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When reached for comment, O\u2019Leary stated that she was \u201cmighty proud of Betsy\u201d and, now that the cow was newly certified not to be fire-prone, would reward her with a toasty gas lamp to accompany her through the city\u2019s infamously brutal cold and dark nights.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6199,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6198"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6198"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6202,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6198\/revisions\/6202"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6199"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}