{"id":6193,"date":"2023-04-24T14:55:17","date_gmt":"2023-04-24T19:55:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6193"},"modified":"2023-04-22T15:42:23","modified_gmt":"2023-04-22T20:42:23","slug":"man-shouts-fire-in-crowded-library-of-alexandria","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/04\/24\/man-shouts-fire-in-crowded-library-of-alexandria\/","title":{"rendered":"Man Shouts Fire in Crowded Library of Alexandria"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ALEXANDRIA \u2014 Last Thursday, shortly after the sundial struck VIII, a fire reportedly broke out in the geometry section of the Library of Alexandria, where a crowd had gathered to watch famed geometer Eratosthenes Pedantos\u2019 rather circular lecture \u201cOn The Circularity of Circles.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to eyewitness reports, bystander Brasidas Alcmaeid was the first to notice the fire; unfortunately, he was asking Eratosthenes a question at the time. \u201cWe didn\u2019t realize he\u2019d seen a fire,\u201d says Protagoras, a scroll-cleaner at the library. \u201cEverybody thought that his question, \u2018What is the tangent line of FIRE!!!\u2019 was pretty intense, but he does that sometimes.\u201d Instead, Brasidas\u2019 tangent caused a riveting debate about the nature of fire, including \u201cwhether Prometheus knew about the wave-your-finger-through-fire-fast-enough-and-you\u2019ll-be-okay trick.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThey got what was coming to them,\u201d said occupying centurion Gladius Maximus about the fire\u2019s victims. \u201cBy the time we got there at half past IX, they were all yelling about how \u2018the essence of fire transfers its elemental form into ashen substance,\u2019 while it transferred <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">their<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> elemental\u2026 you get the point.\u201d Several witnesses confirmed Gladius\u2019 account. \u201cEratosthenes Pedantos was no help,\u201d one said. \u201cHe just kept shouting \u2018Ooh, you got burned!\u2019 and chuckling to himself every time one of his \u2018demented sophist\u2019 opponents went up in flames.\u201d Despite some evidence of arson, the suspects\u2019 identities remain unclear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In other news, Josephus Instigatus\u2019 net worth has surpassed one billion drachmas, due to his acquisition of several newly-rare manuscripts.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Last Thursday, shortly after the sundial struck VIII, a fire reportedly broke out in the geometry section of the Library of Alexandria, where a crowd had gathered to watch famed geometer Eratosthenes Pedantos\u2019 rather circular lecture \u201cOn The Circularity of Circles.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6194,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6193","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-historical-issue"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6193","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6193"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6193\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6195,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6193\/revisions\/6195"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6194"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6193"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6193"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6193"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}