{"id":6190,"date":"2023-04-23T14:55:26","date_gmt":"2023-04-23T19:55:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6190"},"modified":"2023-04-22T15:42:38","modified_gmt":"2023-04-22T20:42:38","slug":"jackass-runs-26-2-miles-demands-medal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/04\/23\/jackass-runs-26-2-miles-demands-medal\/","title":{"rendered":"Jackass Runs 26.2 Miles, Demands Medal"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ATHENS \u2014 Local messenger and noted egomaniac Pheidippides ran 26.2 miles Wednesday to announce the defeat of the Persians in battle. After running this distance and relaying his message, that narcissist Pheidippides reportedly demanded a medallion of pure gold, eyewitnesses reported.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When no such medal was produced, Pheidippides threw a tantrum. \u201cThat was a world record time! Where\u2019s my gold medal?\u201d he was heard yelling at various Athenian merchants. \u201cI just ran a marathon! Doesn\u2019t that mean anything to you?\u201d Sources say Pheidippides, after being refused a medal, declared himself an Olympian and subsequently demanded a crown of laurels.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThis skinny naked guy just came running, and now he thinks he\u2019s some sort of renowned athlete,\u201d said Miltiades, commander of the Athenian army. \u201cIt was kind of hot though.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After running this distance and relaying his message, that narcissist Pheidippides reportedly demanded a medallion of pure gold, eyewitnesses reported.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6191,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-historical-issue"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6190"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6192,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190\/revisions\/6192"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}