{"id":6137,"date":"2023-04-13T15:00:49","date_gmt":"2023-04-13T20:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6137"},"modified":"2025-05-04T19:48:55","modified_gmt":"2025-05-05T00:48:55","slug":"us-government-releases-saved-daylight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/04\/13\/us-government-releases-saved-daylight\/","title":{"rendered":"US Government Releases Saved Daylight"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A solar blast burst through Chicago on March 12, 2023 at 2 a.m. CDT, delaying all local Amazon shipments by a week, killing the entire Chicago zebra population, and killing a few hundred individuals (listed from high-priority to low-priority). A few hours later, Christopher A. Wray \u2014 head of the FBI \u2014said to reporters: \u201cI can\u2019t believe that they made me wake up at two in the morning! How am I supposed to think this early without my coffee! Oh wait, you meant the explosion? Yeah. I\u2019m not really supposed to release any details right now. Do you know if Starbucks is open yet?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An anonymous FBI agent (after accepting our generous and unrelated donation) informed us that the explosion started in the basement of a Hyde Park cupcake shop. When pressed about the cause of the explosion, he was surprised. \u201cDon\u2019t you know? It\u2019s our saved daylight! It\u2019s impressive, really. \u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cWe thought that it might have a Spider-Man effect,\u201d clarified a National Security Council spokesperson.\u00a0 \u201cWe thought it would help our country amidst the worsening climate change. We didn\u2019t think that people would die from concentrated radiation. On the bright side, our solar panels this year have generated an entirely new level of electricity! Think about our extra energy! We should do this sometime again.\u201d This measure sees the most support from the unaffected Alaskan population (732,673 people). Maggie Oil Vandersnow spoke for Alaska in a live interview on CBS. \u201cWe want all the heat we can get!\u201d <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A few Chicagoans attempted to raise mass protests, but only six or seven supporters ever showed up. Apparently, Chicagoans were also grateful for a respite from the cold. \u201cIt\u2019s no more dangerous than the Red Line,\u201d a Lincoln Park resident explained, \u201cor, really, even stepping out of my apartment.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This measure sees the most support from the unaffected Alaskan population (732,673 people).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2086,"featured_media":6165,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2086"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6137"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6137\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6138,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6137\/revisions\/6138"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}