{"id":6091,"date":"2023-03-31T14:54:20","date_gmt":"2023-03-31T19:54:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=6091"},"modified":"2023-03-29T21:43:57","modified_gmt":"2023-03-30T02:43:57","slug":"new-startup-matches-douchebags-to-african-safari-animals-they-can-kill","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/03\/31\/new-startup-matches-douchebags-to-african-safari-animals-they-can-kill\/","title":{"rendered":"New Startup Matches Douchebags to African Safari Animals They Can Kill"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">POLSKY \u2014 \u201cPoachify&#8221;, a startup founded by Booth Fellows Meacarn Avour and Hunter Wolff, breaks new bounds for what \u201clibtards&#8221; [sic] find acceptable in today&#8217;s culture. The company looks to bring about the end of animal suffering. \u201cFor too long have we allowed zebras to be terribly mauled by lions out in the wild. Now, we can dispose of them humanely \u2014 with guns.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Poachify calls itself the Uber of animal cruelty. \u201cYou can quickly request an animal by its family, genus, and species,\u201d said a company representative. \u201cThe app works with dynamic pricing, so we recommend booking on Tuesday afternoons. Don\u2019t forget to leave a tip for your Safari Guide \u2014 it\u2019ll all go to us!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Environmental activists have touted the app as \u201cpretty messed up\u201d and \u201cthe solution that we didn\u2019t ask for, but thanks, I guess\u201d. A UNEP spokesperson commented: \u201cThis is a wonderful way to cut down on Africa\u2019s carbon emissions. For a while, people were trying to get them to stop using propane stoves and decrease their water intake. But this app will allow us to take out the largest carbon producers \u2014 lions, zebras, chimpanzees, mammals in general \u2014 and convert the byproducts into luxury items. For the Earth, of course.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Environmental activists have touted the app as \u201cpretty messed up\u201d and \u201cthe solution that we didn\u2019t ask for, but thanks, I guess\u201d.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":6117,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6091","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arts-culture"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6091","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6091"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6091\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6093,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6091\/revisions\/6093"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/6117"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6091"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6091"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6091"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}