{"id":5987,"date":"2023-03-02T15:07:05","date_gmt":"2023-03-02T21:07:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5987"},"modified":"2023-03-02T11:09:49","modified_gmt":"2023-03-02T17:09:49","slug":"so-you-have-a-big-dick-here-are-6-better-ways-to-prove-it-than-going-to-a-gun-range-with-the-college-republicans","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/03\/02\/so-you-have-a-big-dick-here-are-6-better-ways-to-prove-it-than-going-to-a-gun-range-with-the-college-republicans\/","title":{"rendered":"So You Have a Big Dick? Here Are 6 Better Ways to Prove It Than Going to a Gun Range With the College Republicans"},"content":{"rendered":"

So you\u2019re well-endowed and you subconsciously want to prove it. Understandable. But instead of proving your worth by joining the College Republicans and attending their yearly gun range trip, here are a few alternatives:<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Name-drop your Senator dad<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Mention that your dad is a Senator. It doesn\u2019t matter that he\u2019s just a state senator, say \u201csenator.\u201d If his net worth is over $25 million, then that\u2019s just icing on the cake. Everybody knows that big dick energy is genetic, so if your dad\u2019s a senator, it\u2019s safe to assume that he, and by extension you, is sporting a humongous Richard Nixon (R-CA).<\/span><\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Wear two Canada Goose jackets at once<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Nothing shows well-endowedness like the time-honored tactic of flaunting your wealth. While you\u2019re at it, maybe just kill a goose in front of your frat house. That seems like a masculine thing to do.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Wear really big shoes<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        You get it, right? Right?<\/span><\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Major in Biz Econ<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          What better way to prove your one-eyed trouser snake is well above average than by playing with coloring books all day? By joining the ranks of the UChicago econ department, you will follow in the footsteps of Milton Friedman, Douglas W. Diamond, and Big Dick Brad from your SOSC.<\/span><\/p>\n

          (The <\/span>Dealer <\/span><\/i>would like to note that Saieh Hall is vaguely phallic, so maybe there\u2019s something there, too.)<\/span><\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Don\u2019t join in the first place<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            Everyone already assumes that members of the College Republicans joined the club to compensate for something, whether it be a life spent without parental affection, or just plain-old micropenis syndrome. What better way to demonstrate your endowment than to not join the group where membership screams \u201cmy pocket rocket hasn\u2019t grown since birth\u201d?<\/span><\/p>\n

              \n
            1. Just wear a t-shirt that says \u201cI Have a Big Dick\u201d<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

              No need for subtle gestures. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

              Major in Biz Econ: What better way to prove your one-eyed trouser snake is well above average than by playing with coloring books all day?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":902,"featured_media":5988,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/902"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5987"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5987\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5989,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5987\/revisions\/5989"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5988"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}