{"id":5898,"date":"2023-02-01T16:34:51","date_gmt":"2023-02-01T22:34:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5898"},"modified":"2023-02-01T16:34:51","modified_gmt":"2023-02-01T22:34:51","slug":"im-40-i-teach-here-and-i-just-messaged-you-on-tinder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/02\/01\/im-40-i-teach-here-and-i-just-messaged-you-on-tinder\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m 40, I Teach Here, and I Just Messaged You on Tinder"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hey! You might remember me as your friend\u2019s French 202 professor who wears a scarf to every lecture. But French isn\u2019t the only romance language that I specialize in. I also solicit sex from undergrads on dating apps.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not ringing a bell? Okay, how about this \u2014 I didn\u2019t put my job in my bio because I didn\u2019t want to scare you off, but I absolutely swiped right on you because <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">your<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> bio has UChicago in it. The last time I dated someone even remotely close to my age was during the Bush Administration, and that was one of my grad students. I\u2019ve got the whole \u201cabuse of power\u201d thing going on, and I\u2019m convinced that it\u2019s sexy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You\u2019d think that maybe after a lifetime of trying to wrangle barely legal brats, I would get tired of students and move on to people old enough to have job titles other than \u201cMansueto family intern\u201d or \u201cO-aide\u201d. But here\u2019s the thing: I set my Tinder parameters to ages 18-22 and within 2 miles of the quad <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">on purpose<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You\u2019re a nubile, innocent fly and I\u2019m a gaping Venus Flytrap waiting to strike.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So how about it? Wanna give me a shot? If the age gap ever feels weird, just pretend I\u2019m 25 like I said I was when we first matched. What\u2019s more, I can\u2019t actually be twice your age, because I haven\u2019t taken math since you were born, and I\u2019m a little rusty now. Just keep in mind that if you ever end up in one of my classes, I\u2019ll pretend that you don\u2019t exist, but I\u2019ll still probably try to get with your friends. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So how about it? Wanna give me a shot? If the age gap ever feels weird, just pretend I\u2019m 25 like I said I was when we first matched.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":902,"featured_media":5900,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5898","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5898","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/902"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5898"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5898\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5901,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5898\/revisions\/5901"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5900"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5898"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5898"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5898"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}