Point: I can fix him.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n
By Pascale Noles<\/span><\/p>\n He\u2019s not a bad person. He loves me. I love him. I know I can fix him. Maybe he told me about his gun collection, and his apparently \u201ctasteful\u201d ancap flag, and the glass jar with a Rainbow Dash figure in it, but I just <\/span>know <\/span><\/i>that he\u2019s worth more. Beneath his hard exterior and the many demeaning comments he makes about all my female friends, I can see a sensitive man who only occasionally tells me I\u2019m worthless. I\u2019m just waiting for the time when I get through to the real him, beyond his minor felonies and his devotion to Elon Musk. I\u2019m sure that one day we\u2019ll have the perfect relationship, once he finally stops going on 4chan\u2019s \/b\/ and starts taking me on romantic dates. <\/span><\/p>\n Counterpoint: I can make him worse.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n By Aidan Jones<\/span><\/p>\n Vision. Dedication. Years of experience. I have it all. I am daring, enchanting, and ghastly. I\u2019m in my \u201cKarma is a relaxing thought\u201d arc.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Give me a day and he\u2019ll ask me to stomp on him. Give me a week and he\u2019ll assure me he\u2019d still love me when I become a worm. A month, and his entire fortune will be in Bored Apes. I will make him regret finding me attractive by ruining him financially. I\u2019m not making threats. This is fate, this will all happen. I dream of him uncontrollably weeping. I know he doesn\u2019t have what it takes to live in a man\u2019s world. I might not either, but at least I\u2019ll outlive him. I just need him to text me back first. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Beneath his hard exterior and the many demeaning comments he makes about all my female friends, I can see a sensitive man who only occasionally tells me I\u2019m worthless.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2087,"featured_media":5874,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5873","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sex-and-love"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5873","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2087"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5873"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5873\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5875,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5873\/revisions\/5875"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5874"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5873"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5873"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5873"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}