{"id":5842,"date":"2023-01-04T15:32:22","date_gmt":"2023-01-04T21:32:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5842"},"modified":"2023-01-04T15:32:38","modified_gmt":"2023-01-04T21:32:38","slug":"top-5-things-that-i-just-found-in-your-backpack","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2023\/01\/04\/top-5-things-that-i-just-found-in-your-backpack\/","title":{"rendered":"Top 5 Things That I Just Found in Your Backpack"},"content":{"rendered":"

I know, I know. It\u2019s the article you\u2019ve been waiting for. Ever since I \u201cstole\u201d your \u201cbackpack\u201d from \u201cCalc 152\u201d it\u2019s been alllllll you\u2019ve been wanting to talk about. Well here it is, asshole. Here\u2019s the best things I found in your silly little Jansport. Happy? <\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

1- Homework\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Oh, is this your p-set? The one you claimed wasn\u2019t finished after I asked for your answers last night? Now if I recall correctly, I had really just wanted us to work on it together, but you just had to say no because I \u201cnever help\u201d and \u201cblast Cocomelon while you do the work.\u201d Wow, man. Some friend you are.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2- A notebook\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

What are you, 75? Are you literally my grandfather? Did you fight in WWI? Get an iPad like everyone else.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3- A photo of your childhood pet\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

You carry around a photo of your dog in your backpack? Dude, that\u2019s so lame. Didn\u2019t Buddy die like three years ago? Uh, move on already! Geez!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

4- A reusable water bottle\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

I know you\u2019re all about the environment, or, whatever. But c\u2019mon, dude! Plastic water bottles are so much more fun than that brutalist hunk of metal you call a Hydroflask. Plus, you can\u2019t pelt geese on the Midway with Hydroflasks.<\/span><\/p>\n

5- A crisp $20\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Yeah, you\u2019re not getting this back. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ever since I \u201cstole\u201d your \u201cbackpack\u201d from \u201cCalc 152\u201d it\u2019s been alllllll you\u2019ve been wanting to talk about.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2080,"featured_media":5843,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5842","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5842","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2080"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5842"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5842\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5844,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5842\/revisions\/5844"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5843"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5842"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5842"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5842"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}