{"id":5729,"date":"2022-11-09T15:26:58","date_gmt":"2022-11-09T21:26:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5729"},"modified":"2022-11-07T14:31:38","modified_gmt":"2022-11-07T20:31:38","slug":"to-prevent-theft-of-silverware-dining-halls-implement-body-cavity-search","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/11\/09\/to-prevent-theft-of-silverware-dining-halls-implement-body-cavity-search\/","title":{"rendered":"To Prevent Theft of Silverware, Dining Halls Implement Body Cavity Search"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Starting Monday, all UChicago dining halls will implement a body cavity search procedure for every student leaving the building. Spokesperson Jacob Builderston announced, \u201cStudents and faculty have been stealing forks, spoons, and food from our dining facilities for far too long. The war-time rationing of silverware is no more.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> asked several students about their thoughts on the policy right after they had been searched. Gwen Daniels, a second-year, said, \u201cThe cavity searches are annoying but at least I don\u2019t have to shovel mac and cheese into my mouth with my hands\u201d Jack Trenton, a first-year econ major, complained, \u201cNot only is it very embarrassing, but the procedure takes up my whole lunch break. I\u2019ve become a nudist for efficiency reasons.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">President Alivisatos announced at a press conference, &#8221;We implemented this policy to protect our utensils. As a side benefit, we\u2019re saving so much money on replacing lost silverware. Now, my giant mound of gold is even more fun to slide down.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One downside to this program is that one dining hall worker was severely injured today after being impaled by 17 forks during a search. \u201cI never knew you could fit that many 6-inch forks inside a prison pocket,\u201d commented the survivor of this horrible accident. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>President Alivisatos announced at a press conference, &#8221;We implemented this policy to protect our utensils. As a side benefit, we\u2019re saving so much money on replacing lost silverware. Now, my giant mound of gold is even more fun to slide down.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":902,"featured_media":5731,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5729","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5729","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/902"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5729"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5729\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5732,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5729\/revisions\/5732"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5731"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5729"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5729"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5729"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}