{"id":5660,"date":"2022-10-31T11:48:52","date_gmt":"2022-10-31T16:48:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5660"},"modified":"2023-01-01T22:17:56","modified_gmt":"2023-01-02T04:17:56","slug":"boyer-insists-bite-mark-is-nothing-to-worry-about-proposes-brains-in-dining-hall","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/10\/31\/boyer-insists-bite-mark-is-nothing-to-worry-about-proposes-brains-in-dining-hall\/","title":{"rendered":"Boyer Insists Bite Mark is \u201cNothing to Worry About,\u201d Proposes Brains in Dining Hall"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On October 9th, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Shady Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> received photos from an anonymous Snitchcock resident depicting a bite mark on Dean Boyer\u2019s left ass-cheek. After a thorough examination of his condition, the UChicago Medical Center confirmed that the bite is infected and likely of human origin. The medical center reported multiple symptoms such as skin discoloration, delirium, aversion to food, and a potent stench of decay coming from the wound. In lighter news, the center also reports that Dean Boyer\u2019s gums have maintained their typical healthy shade of black.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Aside from developing a slight limp, Dean Boyer appears physically uninhibited by his condition, claiming his affliction to be a mild inconvenience at most. \u201cI\u2019ve gotten much worse infections at Snitchcock in the past,\u201d Boyer stated calmly. \u201cThis injury is nothing to worry about.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Although the Dean\u2019s staff insist there is no cause for alarm, Boyer\u2019s uncharacteristic hunger has since become a subject of controversy. Fellow administrators reported that Boyer called their heads \u201cespecially supple,\u201d and another student describes Boyer remarking upon a squirrel\u2019s \u201clarge\u201d and \u201cbiteable\u201d temples. However, when confronted, Boyer ran directly into the bushes..<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI didn\u2019t mean any harm,\u201d Dean Boyer said. \u201cI suppose I just haven\u2019t appreciated being surrounded by associates with such large and dense brains until now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s true that Boyer has been known to appreciate great minds in the past, but his fixation on the human brain has begun to alarm some. At a recent board meeting, Dean Boyer strongly advocated for \u201cethically sourced\u201d human brains to be served in campus dining halls.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The proposal was denied.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cI\u2019ve gotten much worse infections at Snitchcock in the past,\u201d Boyer stated calmly. \u201cThis injury is nothing to worry about.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2085,"featured_media":5663,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5660"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2085"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5660"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5660\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5666,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5660\/revisions\/5666"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5663"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5660"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5660"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5660"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}