{"id":5625,"date":"2022-10-14T15:00:22","date_gmt":"2022-10-14T20:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5625"},"modified":"2025-05-01T01:37:28","modified_gmt":"2025-05-01T06:37:28","slug":"seven-signs-your-roommates-parents-definitely-have-a-wikipedia-page","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/10\/14\/seven-signs-your-roommates-parents-definitely-have-a-wikipedia-page\/","title":{"rendered":"Seven Signs Your Roommate\u2019s Parents Definitely Have a Wikipedia Page"},"content":{"rendered":"
    \n
  1. They tell you a different city every you ask for their hometown. <\/b>The first time you asked where they lived, they said Jakarta. The second time, they gave you the name of a fancy London boarding school. The third, they told you they were a \u201csuitcase kid\u201d, except you\u2019ve seen their suitcase and you\u2019re pretty sure the combination lock was made of solid gold<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. \u201cThere\u2019s a skull from the Catacombs in my basement.\u201d <\/b>We\u2019ve all heard it before. At first, you assume it\u2019s some clumsy joke that they use with all their friends. You awkwardly play along, joking, \u201cOkay yeah, I also have <\/span>my <\/span><\/i>own skull.\u201d However, it gets weird, and by 2am you’re standing in the bike room of Max P signing an NDA. She enters a code into a safe \u2014 she has her own safe in the basement of Max P? Why did she freak out when you asked if you could split the cost of a mini-fridge if she has a GODDAMN SAFE in the basement of your dorm? Wearing gloves, you inspect a decaying skull. You may say things like \u201cOh, is this someone in your family?\u201d and \u201cWell, is it at least a close friend of the family?\u201d You will never get an answer. This happens once during O-Week, and the two of you will never discuss it again<\/span>.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. They dogmatically believe that they\u2019re upper-middle class. <\/b>Other euphemisms for wealth include \u201cwe\u2019re comfortable,\u201d \u201cI had a privileged childhood,\u201d and \u201cI think most people can afford a yacht.\u201d If your roommate extols the virtues of the new Tesla models and declares themselves a Marxist in the same breath, or if they look vaguely guilty during SOSC discussions about the ethics of landlording, you can assume their parents are loaded.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. They share a last name with a Nobel Laureate, a senior government official, and\/or several campus buildings. <\/b>Names like Mansueto and Pritzker aren\u2019t common. You should be concerned. Especially if they expect you to know who their dad is (see \u201c<\/span>Don\u2019t You Know Who My Dad Is?!<\/span><\/a>\u201d from our archives for further explanation).<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. They use \u201cnetwork\u201d as a verb. <\/b>\u201cI had a great time with you tonight. How about we reconvene and rendezvous for a little networking sesh at Nobu next week?\u201d This is not a normal thing to say.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. They start drafting their own wikipedia page. <\/b>You hear typing at 3am, and you open your eyes, only to see your roommate\u00a0 writing a non-academic essay. On closer inspection (discreetly, don\u2019t fall off the bed!), you see that they\u2019re writing an autobiography of some sort and adding hyperlinks to every other word \u2014 and then it hits you. They\u2019re writing a Wikipedia page for themselves. Pretty suspicious.<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. They literally won\u2019t shut the fuck up about it. <\/b>And they\u2019re not going to. Common solutions include requesting a different roommate, blocking Wikipedia, getting tinnitus, or building a time machine and attempting to prevent their parents\u2019 whirlwind romance.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    They use \u201cnetwork\u201d as a verb. \u201cI had a great time with you tonight. How about we reconvene and rendezvous for a little networking sesh at Nobu next week?\u201d This is not a normal thing to say.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2086,"featured_media":5626,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5625","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5625","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2086"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5625"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5625\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5627,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5625\/revisions\/5627"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5626"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5625"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5625"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5625"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}