{"id":5614,"date":"2022-10-12T15:00:45","date_gmt":"2022-10-12T20:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5614"},"modified":"2022-10-10T12:05:47","modified_gmt":"2022-10-10T17:05:47","slug":"first-year-ventures-across-the-midway-to-get-condom-from-office-of-safety-and-security","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/10\/12\/first-year-ventures-across-the-midway-to-get-condom-from-office-of-safety-and-security\/","title":{"rendered":"First Year Ventures Across the Midway to Get Condom From Office of Safety and Security"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This winter, one brave first year, who asked to remain anonymous, took the tenuous journey across the Midway to the office of Eric M. Heath where he requested a single condom, \u201cjust in case.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Like new President of the University of Chicago Paul Alivisatos, this anonymous first year\u2019s greatest concern on our campus is safety, and he has been on the hunt for a really safe condom (in case he were ever to have sex).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIn the past, I\u2019ve always practiced by doubling up. However, now that it\u2019s a real possibility that I might finally have sex, I need a condom safe enough to pass the discerning eye of Eric M. Heath,\u201d the first year told <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> reporters. (Being concerned that his request would notify the Clery Act and the student body would be alerted that he was looking for a secure condom, the first year wanted to get in front of it first by talking to the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.)<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, due to the UCPD not being subject to FOIA requests, this first year\u2019s hunt for a secure condom will remain a secret until this article is published.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cIt was a difficult journey across the Midway with lots of treacherous twists and turns,\u201d he said. \u201cHowever, I have finally been granted a condom. Now I am in search of a partner to use it with. Safely, of course.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Should anyone wish to engage in safe intercourse with this anonymous first year, please contact the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealer<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> via email immediately. We would be happy to connect you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><br style=\"font-weight: 400;\" \/><br style=\"font-weight: 400;\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cIt was a difficult journey across the Midway with lots of treacherous twists and turns,\u201d he said. \u201cHowever, I have finally been granted a condom. Now I am in search of a partner to use it with. Safely, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":902,"featured_media":5615,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5614"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/902"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5614"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5614\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5617,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5614\/revisions\/5617"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5615"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5614"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5614"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5614"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}