{"id":5600,"date":"2022-10-07T15:00:48","date_gmt":"2022-10-07T20:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5600"},"modified":"2022-10-04T23:17:25","modified_gmt":"2022-10-05T04:17:25","slug":"how-tall-was-jesus-christ-we-asked-every-academic-department","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/10\/07\/how-tall-was-jesus-christ-we-asked-every-academic-department\/","title":{"rendered":"How Tall Was Jesus Christ? We Asked Every Academic Department"},"content":{"rendered":"

UChicago likes to brag about its interdisciplinary research programs, which usually turn out to be something like \u201cone econ professor wrote a novel once.\u201d In that spirit, we directed the resources of every academic department at UChicago towards a single noble purpose: figuring out how tall a guy who has been dead for two thousand years was.<\/span><\/p>\n

History<\/b><\/p>\n

We don\u2019t know for sure if Jesus Christ existed as a historical figure, but we\u2019re pretty sure he would\u2019ve been a short king if he did. People were tiny back then.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cinema and Media Studies<\/b><\/p>\n

Eh, doesn\u2019t matter, you can fix anything with the right camera angle. Or I guess, back in the day, the right painting angle.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Philosophy<\/b><\/p>\n

Plato once told me Jesus was a pretty tall guy, and the first rule of philosophy is Plato\u2019s usually right.<\/span><\/p>\n

Near East Studies<\/b><\/p>\n

Oh, he was 5\u20197\u201d. We actually have his body somewhere in the Oriental Institute storage closets, you wanna take a look? We stole it from the Romans a while back.<\/span><\/p>\n

Data Science<\/b><\/p>\n

We built a really big neural network to predict people\u2019s heights based on their faces, trained it on images of humans, and it told us that Jesus was either 3\u20192\u201d or a golden retriever. Problem solved, that\u2019ll be $10,000.<\/span><\/p>\n

English<\/b><\/p>\n

Nabokov was six feet tall, so probably somewhere around that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Anthropology<\/b><\/p>\n

If only we had access to Jesus\u2019 bones. Pretty sure they\u2019d make bank on the black market. Like seven, eight million last time I checked. I mean, that\u2019s a guess. What was the question?<\/span><\/p>\n

Biology<\/b><\/p>\n

I can tell you for sure if you want. I think we have his DNA somewhere back here. All I\u2019ll need is millions of dollars and for someone to invent cloning.<\/span><\/p>\n

Computer Science<\/b><\/p>\n

Jesus?<\/span><\/p>\n

Economics<\/b><\/p>\n

Oh, easily ten, twenty feet. It\u2019d have to be a lot to account for inflation back then.<\/span><\/p>\n

Political Science<\/b><\/p>\n

Popular figures are known to be taller than average, so Jesus was probably wearing height-boosting insoles but forgot to on a particular day, which \u2014 come to think of it \u2014 is probably why his followers eventually turned on him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Psychology<\/b><\/p>\n

Well, how tall do <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> think Jesus was? Wait, can we give you some LSD and then have you tell us? There\u2019s $20 in it for you!<\/span><\/p>\n

Linguistics<\/b><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, we haven\u2019t yet reconstructed the word for \u201cheight\u201d in the Judeo-Palestinian dialect of Aramaic spoken during the Second Temple Period, so we don\u2019t know.<\/span><\/p>\n

Chemistry<\/b><\/p>\n

Approximately 324,675,000 atoms stacked on top of one another.<\/span><\/p>\n

Religious Studies<\/b><\/p>\n

Probably somewhere around 5\u20192\u201d, 5\u20193\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n



<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We built a really big neural network to predict people\u2019s heights based on their faces, trained it on images of humans, and it told us that Jesus was either 3\u20192\u201d or a golden retriever. Problem solved, that\u2019ll be $10,000.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":425,"featured_media":5602,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5600","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-arts-culture"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5600","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/425"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5600"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5600\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5604,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5600\/revisions\/5604"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5602"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5600"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5600"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5600"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}