{"id":5400,"date":"2022-04-17T21:09:46","date_gmt":"2022-04-18T02:09:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5400"},"modified":"2022-04-17T21:10:42","modified_gmt":"2022-04-18T02:10:42","slug":"sexy-jesus-apoptles-rumble-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/04\/17\/sexy-jesus-apoptles-rumble-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Sexy Jesus & Apoptles Rumble Time!!!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Editor\u2019s note: The <\/strong>Shady Dealer<\/em><\/strong> found this written on a piece of butcher paper in a trash can outside the divinity school. Please direct any complaints towards the original author.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

AUTHORS NOTE: This is a love storoy about how jesus fell in love with mary magdelane n also his appotles. Christinas don\u2019t interact!! If you don\u2019t like then dont\u2019 read!! oh and b4 you ask i am not chirstian i just heard bibble stories when i went with my freind Jospephine to her moms church last usnday. so don\u2019t say I\u2019m blasfeeming or whatever I don\u2019tcare lol! also I wrote tihs on my moms iphone she just got a new one! lvoe, Miranda <3<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One day Jesus was hanging out with his 12 bros. \u201cOMG I want to go to the beach it\u2019s so hot outside!\u201d he siad. \u201chow aboug we all go to a beach trip on the sea of Galily \u201d said his apootle Mark. \u201cGreat idea!\u201d said Jesus\u201d and we should go to the nightclub after I heard my buddy King Sol is playig a sick set. So they went to teh beach happily and they were really excithred.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jesus\u2019s 12 bros were ride or die. He called them his homies because they jnver would never lveae his side or betray him (not llike JANA from ALGEBRA! you AGREED not to tell the teacher we copoid each others work Janna I hate you I hope you die.)  Their names were Matthew, Marcus but evreyon called him Mark, Luke, John, Simon P, Simon N, Frank, Judas, Ezekiel but everyone called him zeke, Yale, Miffy, and Boris. Boris didn;t talk much he was the weird one. Also ther ewas a girl called mary magdilane who jesus secretly had a crush on and followed the appotles around because she thought he ws kind of intresting. Mary Magadelane had really long red hair and ivory white skin and it was really long and flowy and everyone liked it and the other girls got jelaouse and thats why they didnt; follow jesus so she was the only girl. She also had bright green eyes like emralds on spring grass and everyone told her she looked like the mermaid from the mvoie Ariel. SHhe was also reaslly sad alot because she had a crush on Jesus but she thought he iddn\u2019t like her but he actually did. Judas was jealos of her becase he also had a crush on jesus but he told Zeke and Zeke was sad because he liked Judas that way but judas didn\u2019t know he was gay. Frank, Simon N, and Simon P, were all bros and they didn\u2019t care about that romance stuff but htye were really supportive of Judas and hteir friends because they\u2019re weren\u2019t homo foebick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway Jesus Mark Mary and thew others went to the beach on the sea of Galily and they had a lot of fun. Mary brought Jeuss a tub of really epxensive sunscreen lotion and started rubbing his fee.t with it and also her hair. \u201cWhy are you rubbing his feet\u201d Judas the oppotle said annoyedly. \u201cit\u2019s ok she is just trying to help besides you should be nice to her because you\u2019ll have to deal with her when I\u2019m dead anyway.\u201d \u201cOMG you\u2019re so morbed stop it\u201d said Judas. \u201cHaha I loove your sense of humor Jesus\u201d laughed Mary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judas wass ad so he went over to play beach volleyball with his bros Frank, Simon N, and Simon P. \u201cCheer up Judas\u201d said Simon N. \u201cYeah it\u2019s okay Judas you;ll find someone else besides hes\u2019s off limits because he\u2019 shte sun of god.\u201d said Simon P. Frank didn\u2019t sway anything but he tapped Jeushads on the back and threw the volleybakl at thim. \u201cCatch!\u201d he screamed merrily. So Judas played volleyball with his bros until he looked aroudn and saw Jesus and Mary Magedelane making out sexily on the sand in the beahcl towel. Judas started crnying and Simon F rushed to give him a hug.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s ok I know something that\u2019sdl cheer yo uup!\u201d said Simon. \u201cNothing can cheer me up now the liove of my life is kissing someong else I just asnt to drown in the sea of galily\u201d wailed Judas depressedly. \u201cWhat if I told you someone else had a hcsrush on you?\u201d \u201cOMG somenoe likes me>:? Who is it??\u201d Judas perked up happily. \u201cIt\u2019s\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 MIFFY!\u201d said Simon N. Miffy walked over \u201cHey judas I was relally shy so I didnt; tell you this before but do you wnat to go on a date with me\/?\u201d asked Miffy blushing. Judas gasped.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like for part 2!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

AUTHORS NOTE: Do you like ti>? If you did, plase leave me a reviewj and a like!  oh and alpso I am a minor (I am 10 year sold) so donut be mean to me or I\u2019ll ltell my mom. Love, Miranda <3<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Editor\u2019s note: The Shady Dealer found this written on a piece of butcher paper in a trash can outside the divinity school. Please direct any complaints towards the original author. AUTHORS NOTE: This is a love storoy about how jesus fell in love with mary magdelane n also his appotles. Christinas don\u2019t interact!! If you don\u2019t like then dont\u2019 read!! oh and b4 you ask i am not chirstian i just heard bibble stories when i went with my freind Jospephine to her moms church last usnday. so don\u2019t say I\u2019m blasfeeming or whatever I don\u2019tcare lol! also I wrote tihs on my moms iphone she just got a new one! lvoe, Miranda <3 One day Jesus was hanging out with his 12 bros. \u201cOMG I want to go to the beach it\u2019s so hot outside!\u201d he siad. \u201chow aboug we all go to a beach trip on the sea of Galily \u201d said his apootle Mark. \u201cGreat idea!\u201d said Jesus\u201d and we should go to the nightclub after I heard my buddy King Sol is playig a sick set. So they went to teh beach happily and they were really excithred. Jesus\u2019s 12 bros were ride or die. He called them his homies because they jnver would never lveae his side or betray him (not llike JANA from ALGEBRA! you AGREED not to tell the teacher we copoid each others work Janna I hate you I hope you die.)  Their names were Matthew, Marcus but evreyon called him Mark, Luke, John, Simon P, Simon N, Frank, Judas, Ezekiel but everyone called him zeke, Yale, Miffy, and Boris. Boris didn;t talk much he was the weird one. Also ther ewas a girl called mary magdilane who jesus secretly had a crush on and followed the appotles around because she thought he ws kind of intresting. Mary Magadelane had really long red hair and ivory white skin and it was really long and flowy and everyone liked it and the other girls got jelaouse and thats why they didnt; follow jesus so she was the only girl. She also had bright green eyes like emralds on spring grass and everyone told her she looked like the mermaid from the mvoie Ariel. SHhe was also reaslly sad alot because she had a crush on Jesus but she thought he iddn\u2019t like her but he actually did. Judas was jealos of her becase he also had a crush on jesus but he told Zeke and Zeke was sad because he liked Judas that way but judas didn\u2019t know he was gay. Frank, Simon N, and Simon P, were all bros and they didn\u2019t care about that romance stuff but htye were really supportive of Judas and hteir friends because they\u2019re weren\u2019t homo foebick. Anyway Jesus Mark Mary and thew others went to the beach on the sea of Galily and they had a lot of fun. Mary brought Jeuss a tub of really epxensive sunscreen lotion and started rubbing his fee.t with it and also her hair. \u201cWhy are you rubbing his feet\u201d Judas the oppotle said annoyedly. \u201cit\u2019s ok she is just trying to help besides you should be nice to her because you\u2019ll have to deal with her when I\u2019m dead anyway.\u201d \u201cOMG you\u2019re so morbed stop it\u201d said Judas. \u201cHaha I loove your sense of humor Jesus\u201d laughed Mary. Judas wass ad so he went over to play beach volleyball with his bros Frank, Simon N, and Simon P. \u201cCheer up Judas\u201d said Simon N. \u201cYeah it\u2019s okay Judas you;ll find someone else besides hes\u2019s off limits because he\u2019 shte sun of god.\u201d said Simon P. Frank didn\u2019t sway anything but he tapped Jeushads on the back and threw the volleybakl at thim. \u201cCatch!\u201d he screamed merrily. So Judas played volleyball with his bros until he looked aroudn and saw Jesus and Mary Magedelane making out sexily on the sand in the beahcl towel. Judas started crnying and Simon F rushed to give him a hug. \u201cIt\u2019s ok I know something that\u2019sdl cheer yo uup!\u201d said Simon. \u201cNothing can cheer me up now the liove of my life is kissing someong else I just asnt to drown in the sea of galily\u201d wailed Judas depressedly. \u201cWhat if I told you someone else had a hcsrush on you?\u201d \u201cOMG somenoe likes me>:? Who is it??\u201d Judas perked up happily. \u201cIt\u2019s\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026 MIFFY!\u201d said Simon N. Miffy walked over \u201cHey judas I was relally shy so I didnt; tell you this before but do you wnat to go on a date with me\/?\u201d asked Miffy blushing. Judas gasped. Like for part 2!!!! AUTHORS NOTE: Do you like ti>? If you did, plase leave me a reviewj and a like!  oh and alpso I am a minor (I am 10 year sold) so donut be mean to me or I\u2019ll ltell my mom. Love, Miranda <3<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":5402,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5400"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5400"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5400\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5405,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5400\/revisions\/5405"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5402"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5400"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5400"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5400"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}