{"id":5334,"date":"2022-02-23T12:00:36","date_gmt":"2022-02-23T18:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5334"},"modified":"2022-02-23T10:36:25","modified_gmt":"2022-02-23T16:36:25","slug":"student-not-a-bad-person-just-busy-and-tired","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/02\/23\/student-not-a-bad-person-just-busy-and-tired\/","title":{"rendered":"Student Swears She’s Not a Bad Person, Just Busy and Tired"},"content":{"rendered":"

Suzanne Walker, a third-year, was discovered by the<\/span> Shady Dealer<\/span><\/i> investigative team to be \u201cactually a very sweet person,\u201d despite having been pronounced a \u201cflaky antisocial gunner\u201d by her ex-friend Kathlyn Graeber. According to Kathlyn, Suzanne missed her friendsgiving dinner without notice, pushed back their museum date sixteen times, and replied to messages with a standard delay of three weeks.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAt first, I thought Suzanne was ghosting me,\u201d Kathlyn said. \u201cBut on the rare occasions that we did hang out, she seemed to have fun and said I am her closest friend. So I figured, she actually wants to be friends, she just doesn\u2019t have the time right now. She\u2019s really serious about school. But when you can\u2019t make the smallest amount of time for a friend in many months, that\u2019s just rude. Once I told her my birthday was tomorrow, and she didn\u2019t even text me \u2018Happy B-Day!\u2019 the next day. Is she for real?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

However, other people who know Suzanne were significantly more generous in their esteem. \u201cYeah, she didn\u2019t show up to any of the events I invited her to, either,\u201d said Michael, another friend. \u201cAnd she doesn\u2019t take phone calls because they \u2018fracture her workflow.\u2019 She makes phone calls sometimes, though. Like, when she needs something from me. Look, for someone so accomplished and hard-working she\u2019s very chill. She\u2019s in four selective RSOs.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

On a quest to find out what Suzanne\u2019s deal is, the<\/span> Dealer<\/span><\/i> flew a reporter to upstate New York to talk to the student\u2019s mother, Maria. The woman assured us that her daughter is fine. \u201cSuzanne isn\u2019t the first UChicago student in this family, so by now I know her behavior comes with the territory. When my oldest went off to UChicago, I was worried \u2014 he became distanced and unusually introverted. I kept asking, is something wrong? Are you feeling all right? But then I learned that each of his classes required 16 hours of work per week. That explained everything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Maria showed us Suzanne\u2019s childhood bedroom. It featured a piano, never touched after the last resume-enhancing performance in a high school music competition, a remote learning setup with two monitors, and a shameful pile of \u201cuseless\u201d comic books in the corner. \u201cYes,\u201d Maria conceded, \u201cSuzanne isn\u2019t very loving or helpful. But she has three weeks of midterms every quarter \u2014 what would you expect? After all, I want her to work hard now. That way, after graduation she will be able to afford the therapy she will need.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

To clarify the school position on students\u2019 shaky work-life balance, we interviewed Dr. Jay Ellison, Dean of Students in the College. \u201cAs we all know,\u201d Dr. Ellison explained, \u201cUChicago students are barely self-motivated \u2014 otherwise they would have made it to Harvard. So our job as a college is to push these losers to work their absolute hardest. After years of trial and error, we discovered the best way to make them succeed. The trick is to make sure a thick mixture of self-hatred, anxiety, and envy is constantly flowing through every student\u2019s bloodstream, cleansing their system of the harmful urges to rest, make friends, or indulge in hobbies. Yes, our method makes some students a little lacking in the social department. They might not be nice. Or happy. But otherwise they would just let themselves go.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, the <\/span>Dealer<\/span><\/i> met with Ms. Walker herself, who graciously agreed to a short interview and set a timer on her phone for four minutes 59 seconds. After learning of her ex-friend Kathlyn\u2019s accusations, Suzanne assured us that she is not the worst person around. \u201cAt least I don\u2019t put others down like some of my classmates, right? I just keep to myself \u2014 Kathlyn should try it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

When the <\/span>Dealer<\/span><\/i> asked Suzanne\u2019s opinion about her overwhelming lifestyle, she explained, \u201cYeah, I felt exhausted and lonely in my first year. But thankfully by second year my workload got bumped up, so I don\u2019t have time to feel down anymore. Now excuse me, I have to get back to studying for my second-round interview at BCG in two weeks. I really want to get into a Big Three consulting firm so that I can make six figures plus equity out of college. Then, hopefully, in ten years I can retire early and never have to think about any of this bullshit again. I just have to hang in there for ten more years. Just ten more years. God, please, just ten more years.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Suzanne Walker, a third-year, was discovered by the Shady Dealer investigative team to be \u201cactually a very sweet person,\u201d despite having been pronounced a \u201cflaky antisocial gunner\u201d by her ex-friend Kathlyn Graeber. According to Kathlyn, Suzanne missed her friendsgiving dinner without notice, pushed back their museum date sixteen times, and replied to messages with a standard delay of three weeks. \u201cAt first, I thought Suzanne was ghosting me,\u201d Kathlyn said. \u201cBut on the rare occasions that we did hang out, she seemed to have fun and said I am her closest friend. So I figured, she actually wants to be friends, she just doesn\u2019t have the time right now. She\u2019s really serious about school. But when you can\u2019t make the smallest amount of time for a friend in many months, that\u2019s just rude. Once I told her my birthday was tomorrow, and she didn\u2019t even text me \u2018Happy B-Day!\u2019 the next day. Is she for real?\u201d However, other people who know Suzanne were significantly more generous in their esteem. \u201cYeah, she didn\u2019t show up to any of the events I invited her to, either,\u201d said Michael, another friend. \u201cAnd she doesn\u2019t take phone calls because they \u2018fracture her workflow.\u2019 She makes phone calls sometimes, though. Like, when she needs something from me. Look, for someone so accomplished and hard-working she\u2019s very chill. She\u2019s in four selective RSOs.\u201d On a quest to find out what Suzanne\u2019s deal is, the Dealer flew a reporter to upstate New York to talk to the student\u2019s mother, Maria. The woman assured us that her daughter is fine. \u201cSuzanne isn\u2019t the first UChicago student in this family, so by now I know her behavior comes with the territory. When my oldest went off to UChicago, I was worried \u2014 he became distanced and unusually introverted. I kept asking, is something wrong? Are you feeling all right? But then I learned that each of his classes required 16 hours of work per week. That explained everything.\u201d Maria showed us Suzanne\u2019s childhood bedroom. It featured a piano, never touched after the last resume-enhancing performance in a high school music competition, a remote learning setup with two monitors, and a shameful pile of \u201cuseless\u201d comic books in the corner. \u201cYes,\u201d Maria conceded, \u201cSuzanne isn\u2019t very loving or helpful. But she has three weeks of midterms every quarter \u2014 what would you expect? After all, I want her to work hard now. That way, after graduation she will be able to afford the therapy she will need.\u201d To clarify the school position on students\u2019 shaky work-life balance, we interviewed Dr. Jay Ellison, Dean of Students in the College. \u201cAs we all know,\u201d Dr. Ellison explained, \u201cUChicago students are barely self-motivated \u2014 otherwise they would have made it to Harvard. So our job as a college is to push these losers to work their absolute hardest. After years of trial and error, we discovered the best way to make them succeed. The trick is to make sure a thick mixture of self-hatred, anxiety, and envy is constantly flowing through every student\u2019s bloodstream, cleansing their system of the harmful urges to rest, make friends, or indulge in hobbies. Yes, our method makes some students a little lacking in the social department. They might not be nice. Or happy. But otherwise they would just let themselves go.\u201d Finally, the Dealer met with Ms. Walker herself, who graciously agreed to a short interview and set a timer on her phone for four minutes 59 seconds. After learning of her ex-friend Kathlyn\u2019s accusations, Suzanne assured us that she is not the worst person around. \u201cAt least I don\u2019t put others down like some of my classmates, right? I just keep to myself \u2014 Kathlyn should try it.\u201d When the Dealer asked Suzanne\u2019s opinion about her overwhelming lifestyle, she explained, \u201cYeah, I felt exhausted and lonely in my first year. But thankfully by second year my workload got bumped up, so I don\u2019t have time to feel down anymore. Now excuse me, I have to get back to studying for my second-round interview at BCG in two weeks. I really want to get into a Big Three consulting firm so that I can make six figures plus equity out of college. Then, hopefully, in ten years I can retire early and never have to think about any of this bullshit again. I just have to hang in there for ten more years. Just ten more years. God, please, just ten more years.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1408,"featured_media":5336,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5334"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1408"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5334"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5334\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5338,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5334\/revisions\/5338"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5336"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}