{"id":5263,"date":"2022-01-10T12:00:19","date_gmt":"2022-01-10T17:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5263"},"modified":"2022-04-03T21:45:00","modified_gmt":"2022-04-04T02:45:00","slug":"how-to-look-hot-on-a-divvy-bike","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2022\/01\/10\/how-to-look-hot-on-a-divvy-bike\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Look Hot on a Divvy Bike"},"content":{"rendered":"

Divvy bikes are convenient \u2013 if you happen to find one that works. But sadly, some students irationally fear they\u2019ll look \u201cstupid\u201d on one. We hope to remove the stigma around these blue contraptions, because convenience never needs to come at the cost of looks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are five tips to look like a 10 on your next Divvy ride.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Seat adjustment is crucial. Make sure the seat is as high up as possible to elongate your legs and highlight your killer calves.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Ride with no hands. Your less attractive peers will confirm your lifelong God complex, as they see you ride hands-free. They will throw their naked bodies towards you, etc.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Whip out your phone. The grind never stops at UChicago. You can\u2019t appear to have a second of free time. Highlight your productivity by betting on nine-team parlay or shopping on Shein, or if you\u2019re less cultured, refreshing r\/Consulting.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Airpods in and Noise-Cancel on. Listen to something to set the mood for your discussion of Abrahamic sacrifice in <\/span>Genesis<\/span><\/i>. Some suggested girlboss anthems are \u201cGold Digger\u201d or \u201cBlurred Lines.\u201d You\u2019ll also need to tune out the honking as you unconsciously run through red lights on the Midway.<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Try to look cool and disinterested. The closer you come to hitting pedestrians, the sexier you\u2019ll look \u2013 bonus points if you actually hit one. This can be a great way to introduce yourself to someone new. If you\u2019re lucky, you may even get their number (for insurance claims).<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Riding a Divvy bike might not sound hot at first, but it could be just what you need to boost your sex appeal on campus. Just make sure that once you\u2019re on it, you have a complete disregard for everything going on around you. In fact, i<\/span>f you are at all aware of your surroundings, you probably aren\u2019t doing it right. Your SOSC crush will moan in desire as they see you smash into Aztec Dave\u2019s food truck and plow into three pedestrians. \u201cDid you see that Divvy biker dry heave for 10 minutes and then pass out after hitting that food truck? Ugh\u2026so hot.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Divvy bikes are convenient \u2013 if you happen to find one that works. But sadly, some students irationally fear they\u2019ll look \u201cstupid\u201d on one. We hope to remove the stigma around these blue contraptions, because convenience never needs to come at the cost of looks. Here are five tips to look like a 10 on your next Divvy ride. Seat adjustment is crucial. Make sure the seat is as high up as possible to elongate your legs and highlight your killer calves. Ride with no hands. Your less attractive peers will confirm your lifelong God complex, as they see you ride hands-free. They will throw their naked bodies towards you, etc. Whip out your phone. The grind never stops at UChicago. You can\u2019t appear to have a second of free time. Highlight your productivity by betting on nine-team parlay or shopping on Shein, or if you\u2019re less cultured, refreshing r\/Consulting. Airpods in and Noise-Cancel on. Listen to something to set the mood for your discussion of Abrahamic sacrifice in Genesis. Some suggested girlboss anthems are \u201cGold Digger\u201d or \u201cBlurred Lines.\u201d You\u2019ll also need to tune out the honking as you unconsciously run through red lights on the Midway. Try to look cool and disinterested. The closer you come to hitting pedestrians, the sexier you\u2019ll look \u2013 bonus points if you actually hit one. This can be a great way to introduce yourself to someone new. If you\u2019re lucky, you may even get their number (for insurance claims). Riding a Divvy bike might not sound hot at first, but it could be just what you need to boost your sex appeal on campus. Just make sure that once you\u2019re on it, you have a complete disregard for everything going on around you. In fact, if you are at all aware of your surroundings, you probably aren\u2019t doing it right. Your SOSC crush will moan in desire as they see you smash into Aztec Dave\u2019s food truck and plow into three pedestrians. \u201cDid you see that Divvy biker dry heave for 10 minutes and then pass out after hitting that food truck? Ugh\u2026so hot.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5266,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5263"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5263"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5263\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5374,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5263\/revisions\/5374"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5263"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5263"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5263"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}