{"id":5161,"date":"2021-10-11T12:00:26","date_gmt":"2021-10-11T17:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5161"},"modified":"2023-02-06T14:45:27","modified_gmt":"2023-02-06T20:45:27","slug":"give-us-your-credit-card-number-and-well-tell-you-about-our-new-jetski","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2021\/10\/11\/give-us-your-credit-card-number-and-well-tell-you-about-our-new-jetski\/","title":{"rendered":"Give Us Your Credit Card Number and We\u2019ll Tell You About Our New Jetski"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hey! You. Yes, you. Wanna see a cool jetski? Let\u2019s face it: you\u2019ve always wanted to be sprayed in the face, while we whizz on by in our sick new ride. Well, now\u2019s your chance to get the excruci\u2014 refreshing splash of a lifetime!<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, we understand, you might be thinking: what do you need my credit card number for? What could my credit card number <\/span>possibly<\/span><\/i> have to do with some definitely pre-existing jetski? What a stupid-ass question. Listen, buddy: it\u2019s a jetski. It goes really, really fast. On the water! And it\u2019s red. Red! Isn\u2019t that dope?<\/span><\/p>\n

What are you, scared? You realize, your credit card number is just a number, right? We already know about most of the numbers, from 1 to like three billion. It\u2019ll be cool, you\u2019ll just be like \u2018this is my credit card number\u2019 and we\u2019ll be all \u2018oh yeah I\u2019ve heard about that one\u2019 and then we\u2019ll do nothing remotely suspicious. We just want your credit card number for verification purposes, you know? Like one of those free trial scams\u2014 I mean, programs.<\/span><\/p>\n

Where are we gonna get the money for the jetski? No, you\u2019re missing the point. How hard is this to understand? Step one: you type your credit card number into this box. Step two: nothing bad whatsoever happens. Nothing bad! Step three: you get to hear all about our brand-new jetski and its rad new features.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What\u2019s that? You want to keep the jetski? I don\u2019t think you\u2019re hearing us. It\u2019s <\/span>our<\/span><\/i> jetski, why would you get to keep it? You get to see a shiny new jetski right now, and all you have to do is give us a number for, uh, confirmation, uh, reasons. A specific number, of course. Belonging to your credit card.<\/span><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t want to see the jetski? Whatever, your loss. While we have you, though, you might want to check out our new program where you send us a picture of your genitals and\u2014 oh, you already did. That was fast.<\/span><\/p>\n

Please stop.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Now, we understand, you might be thinking: what do you need my credit card number for? What could my credit card number possibly have to do with some definitely pre-existing jetski? What a stupid-ass question. Listen, buddy: it\u2019s a jetski. It goes really, really fast. On the water! And it\u2019s red. Red! Isn\u2019t that dope?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":5165,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5161"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5161\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5458,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5161\/revisions\/5458"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}