{"id":5114,"date":"2021-09-24T12:00:52","date_gmt":"2021-09-24T17:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=5114"},"modified":"2021-09-23T20:16:23","modified_gmt":"2021-09-24T01:16:23","slug":"data-driven-analysis-of-the-most-likely-wars-dean-boyer-will-liken-to-getting-into-the-university-of-chicago-at-convocation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2021\/09\/24\/data-driven-analysis-of-the-most-likely-wars-dean-boyer-will-liken-to-getting-into-the-university-of-chicago-at-convocation\/","title":{"rendered":"Data Driven Analysis of the Most Likely Wars Dean Boyer Will Liken to Getting into the University of Chicago at Convocation"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s that time of the year again: back to school sales are starting, temperatures are cooling, and college students across the country are preparing to return to campus for what they hope may be a more typical academic year. The University of Chicago is no different \u2013 even though first years will have almost one more month of anticipation to build up before their classes start, compared to their friends at semester schools. Certainly, the experience of being on campus for O-Week is unlike any other. You constantly meet new people while asking yourself if they will be a friend for four years or just another person you mutually ignore in the hall after sharing a near death experience in a frat basement.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One of the longer components of O-Week is Dean Boyer\u2019s convocation address \u2013 an experience that can only be described as an exercise in mindfulness, patience, and endurance. Ever the teacher, Dean Boyer is eager to share his knowledge, and as such, will undoubtedly compare gaining admission to the University of Chicago to a modern, ancient, or even mythical, war. Following critical acclaim to his allusions to the Peloponnesian War, as students were forced out of campus during the outbreak of Covid-19, UChicago\u2019s elite data scientists have used advanced artificial intelligence techniques to predict which wars are most likely to be referenced during Convocation 2021.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

    \n
  1. World War II<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    While a bit of an obvious choice, experts are saying that this is not one to count out. Though analysis shows Boyer is more likely to choose an obscure war, the possibility of dumbing his speech down to make it more understandable is something that can\u2019t be ignored. Another team, focused on using bots to predict the speech itself, shared their findings on what a WWII address may sound like, highlighting the following quote: \u201c…and just as the allied forces stormed Normandy, so too will your mind storm the shores of the vast knowledge contained in these halls.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

      \n
    1. The Peloponnesian War (Again)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Scientists say that their regressions kept pulling the Peloponessian war as an option, despite Boyer already drawing from this nearly 18 months ago. Primary investigator Mark Blatt elaborated, \u201cWe can\u2019t predict why he would use it again, but the data suggests there\u2019s more than a strong possibility. Maybe he thinks no one read that email, maybe he thinks everyone forgot, but regardless of the <\/span>why<\/span><\/i>, we know that this might be something to expect.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

        \n
      1. The War of 1812<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Often described as a more \u201cindie\u201d or \u201calternative\u201d war, campus research indicates most people don\u2019t know about this one. However, the people who <\/span>do<\/span><\/i> know about it are constantly talking about it \u2013 specifically because it doesn\u2019t have a name that attracts the masses. An AI-driven speech writing program gave the following example of what this address may sound like: \u201cAnd while I can\u2019t condone the burning of the White House, I <\/span>can<\/span><\/i> condone the burning of your own desires to inquire and learn deeply.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

         <\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Some Shitty European War from the 12th Century<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          If you\u2019re going to be at Convocation this Fall, get ready to hear an hour of some shitty farmer\u2019s war fought over the rights to do fuck-all in a wheatfield that doesn\u2019t exist anymore. Researchers were blown away by both how likely and how awful this speech is, and they made the difficult but ultimately correct decision not to investigate this possibility further. Other experts agree that this speech would be both incomprehensible and unforgettably bad.<\/span><\/p>\n

           <\/p>\n

            \n
          1. The Trojan War (duh)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            Sometimes, the glaringly obvious choice has to be the most likely option. \u201cA lot of people are gonna say that it\u2019s too obvious, he\u2019d never do that, but to me, all I hear is that it\u2019s obvious. If it\u2019s that obvious, it has to be it,\u201d explained AI engineer Jill Gomez. The possibilities are endless: comparing quarantine to waiting in a big horse; comparing the new school year and relaxed restrictions to leaving the horse; and, comparing the potential fall-out and consequences of easing restrictions to the destruction of Troy. It\u2019s a speech that basically writes itself. While it isn\u2019t an obvious or exciting possibility, the numbers here don\u2019t lie.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            It\u2019s that time of the year again: back to school sales are starting, temperatures are cooling, and college students across the country are preparing to return to campus for what they hope may be a more typical academic year. The University of Chicago is no different \u2013 even though first years will have almost one more month of anticipation to build up before their classes start, compared to their friends at semester schools. Certainly, the experience of being on campus for O-Week is unlike any other. You constantly meet new people while asking yourself if they will be a friend for four years or just another person you mutually ignore in the hall after sharing a near death experience in a frat basement.   One of the longer components of O-Week is Dean Boyer\u2019s convocation address \u2013 an experience that can only be described as an exercise in mindfulness, patience, and endurance. Ever the teacher, Dean Boyer is eager to share his knowledge, and as such, will undoubtedly compare gaining admission to the University of Chicago to a modern, ancient, or even mythical, war. Following critical acclaim to his allusions to the Peloponnesian War, as students were forced out of campus during the outbreak of Covid-19, UChicago\u2019s elite data scientists have used advanced artificial intelligence techniques to predict which wars are most likely to be referenced during Convocation 2021.   World War II While a bit of an obvious choice, experts are saying that this is not one to count out. Though analysis shows Boyer is more likely to choose an obscure war, the possibility of dumbing his speech down to make it more understandable is something that can\u2019t be ignored. Another team, focused on using bots to predict the speech itself, shared their findings on what a WWII address may sound like, highlighting the following quote: \u201c…and just as the allied forces stormed Normandy, so too will your mind storm the shores of the vast knowledge contained in these halls.\u201d   The Peloponnesian War (Again) Scientists say that their regressions kept pulling the Peloponessian war as an option, despite Boyer already drawing from this nearly 18 months ago. Primary investigator Mark Blatt elaborated, \u201cWe can\u2019t predict why he would use it again, but the data suggests there\u2019s more than a strong possibility. Maybe he thinks no one read that email, maybe he thinks everyone forgot, but regardless of the why, we know that this might be something to expect.\u201d   The War of 1812 Often described as a more \u201cindie\u201d or \u201calternative\u201d war, campus research indicates most people don\u2019t know about this one. However, the people who do know about it are constantly talking about it \u2013 specifically because it doesn\u2019t have a name that attracts the masses. An AI-driven speech writing program gave the following example of what this address may sound like: \u201cAnd while I can\u2019t condone the burning of the White House, I can condone the burning of your own desires to inquire and learn deeply.\u201d\u00a0   Some Shitty European War from the 12th Century If you\u2019re going to be at Convocation this Fall, get ready to hear an hour of some shitty farmer\u2019s war fought over the rights to do fuck-all in a wheatfield that doesn\u2019t exist anymore. Researchers were blown away by both how likely and how awful this speech is, and they made the difficult but ultimately correct decision not to investigate this possibility further. Other experts agree that this speech would be both incomprehensible and unforgettably bad.   The Trojan War (duh) Sometimes, the glaringly obvious choice has to be the most likely option. \u201cA lot of people are gonna say that it\u2019s too obvious, he\u2019d never do that, but to me, all I hear is that it\u2019s obvious. If it\u2019s that obvious, it has to be it,\u201d explained AI engineer Jill Gomez. The possibilities are endless: comparing quarantine to waiting in a big horse; comparing the new school year and relaxed restrictions to leaving the horse; and, comparing the potential fall-out and consequences of easing restrictions to the destruction of Troy. It\u2019s a speech that basically writes itself. While it isn\u2019t an obvious or exciting possibility, the numbers here don\u2019t lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":23,"featured_media":5116,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5114","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5114","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/23"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5114"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5114\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5116"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5114"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5114"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5114"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}