{"id":4958,"date":"2021-04-08T12:01:49","date_gmt":"2021-04-08T17:01:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=4958"},"modified":"2021-04-08T12:27:30","modified_gmt":"2021-04-08T17:27:30","slug":"frats-release-statement-hey-look-a-cool-bird","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2021\/04\/08\/frats-release-statement-hey-look-a-cool-bird\/","title":{"rendered":"Frats Release Statement: \u201cHey Look, A Cool Bird!\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

HYDE PARK \u2014 In the wake of the University\u2019s announcement that campus would be entering a second lockdown of the quarter, a group of UChicago fraternities released a statement. Notably, after various fraternity parties became the superspreader event that led to the shutdown, the statement doesn\u2019t mention the parties at all, nor does it provide any sign that the frats will be taking responsibility for their action. Instead, it focuses entirely on a \u201cvery cool bird\u201d that all UChicago students ought to \u201clook at, right away.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The statement reads:<\/span><\/p>\n

We, a collection of UChicago fraternities, would like to address\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014hey, look behind you, yes, all of you! Is that a very cool bird, or what? You should look at it right away, before it flies off. Isn\u2019t it cute sitting in your windows? It\u2019s got, um\u2026 colorful feathers or something, we guess.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That is one fucking awesome bird, and if you\u2019re not focusing all of your attention on it, you\u2019re seriously missing out. We\u2019d probably say that bird is cooler than any in-person social interaction you could have in the next week or so. It\u2019s that great! Look at it, like, fly around and shit.<\/span><\/p>\n

Furthermore, we\u2019d like to stress that UChicago\u2019s frats in no way deserve to suffer any consequences\u2014 oh my god is that another bird? <\/span>Two<\/span><\/i> birds! How often do you get this opportunity?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Think about it: if it weren\u2019t for lockdown, you\u2019d never get this once in a lifetime experience! If students weren\u2019t stuck in their rooms right now, there\u2019d be no way they could ever look outside their windows to see such beautiful\u2026 um, bird-ness, we don\u2019t know what it\u2019s called. Students should be grateful for the opportunity UChicago frats have provided them, and should feel honored to be able to look at such a dope-ass bird.<\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019re welcome.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the wake of the University\u2019s announcement that campus would be entering a second lockdown of the quarter, a group of UChicago fraternities released a statement. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4960,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4958"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4958"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4958\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}