{"id":4669,"date":"2021-01-21T10:36:10","date_gmt":"2021-01-21T16:36:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=4669"},"modified":"2021-01-17T20:49:30","modified_gmt":"2021-01-18T02:49:30","slug":"how-to-get-this-quarters-existential-crisis-over-with-early","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2021\/01\/21\/how-to-get-this-quarters-existential-crisis-over-with-early\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Get This Quarter\u2019s Existential Crisis Over With Early"},"content":{"rendered":"

As winter quarter begins and your courses kick into high gear, it’s once again time to face the fact that at some point between now and finals, you\u2019ll inevitably break down. You\u2019ll be slowly losing your mind over your p-sets, questioning if you\u2019re majoring in the right subject, or just raging against the general idea of academics. It\u2019s UChicago; that\u2019s what we\u2019re here for.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But can you really risk an existential crisis during finals week? Here are five ways to get this quarter\u2019s mental breakdown out of your way before the shit hits the fan.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Start the crisis early<\/b><\/p>\n

If you want something done early, start it early. If you don\u2019t put any work into developing the framework for your mental breakdown, don\u2019t be surprised if it emerges at the worst possible moment. In order to quickly develop a quality crisis of self-confidence, put work into it early and often, and it\u2019ll be smooth sailing through the rest of the quarter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Take four classes<\/b><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re enrolled in four classes, you\u2019ll have more work, which means your inevitable quarterly breakdown could come as soon as third week. It\u2019s as simple as that. Once the existential crisis has come, you can spend your time being productive and feeling good about yourself and your academic prospects, confident that your one and only moment of panic this quarter has already come and gone.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Write yourself an internship rejection letter<\/b><\/p>\n

If you\u2019re not enrolled in four classes, there are other ways to trigger your freakout early in the quarter. Among the easiest is to send yourself an internship rejection letter that you can spend too much of your time obsessing over. For added novelty and shock value, you can ask a friend to write a letter for you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

For bonus points and extra-potent anxiety, if you\u2019re a fourth-year, you can write yourself a job rejection letter.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Get a cat<\/b><\/p>\n

Evolutionarily speaking, cats are parasites that feed off humans\u2019 resources and reward them with a constant stream of shed cat hair and existential angst. Getting a cat or five is a surefire way to ensure that you\u2019ll reach a breaking point earlier in the quarter, rather than later, when it matters.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Bang your head against the wall repeatedly<\/b><\/p>\n

If you just <\/span>know<\/span><\/i> there\u2019s a nascent crisis swimming around somewhere in your brain, waiting to emerge at the optimal moment and ruin your week, don\u2019t wait until finals for it to emerge. Recent medical advances have shown that test subjects can give themselves panic attacks on queue by repeatedly thrusting their skull against a wall until the crisis shakes free and enters your brain. It\u2019s just science!<\/span><\/p>\n

Just make sure you don\u2019t wind up letting too many crises loose.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As winter quarter begins and your courses kick into high gear, it’s once again time to face the fact that at some point between now and finals, you\u2019ll inevitably break down. But can you really risk an existential crisis during finals week? Here are five ways to get this quarter\u2019s mental breakdown out of your way before the shit hits the fan.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":425,"featured_media":4672,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-campus-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4669","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/425"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4669"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4669\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4677,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4669\/revisions\/4677"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4672"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}