{"id":4596,"date":"2020-11-26T11:47:59","date_gmt":"2020-11-26T17:47:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=4596"},"modified":"2020-11-25T11:50:37","modified_gmt":"2020-11-25T17:50:37","slug":"op-ed-what-am-i-thankful-for-being-hot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2020\/11\/26\/op-ed-what-am-i-thankful-for-being-hot\/","title":{"rendered":"OP- ED: What am I Thankful for? Being Hot"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<p><span lang=\"EN-US\">Greetings Nerds! It is finally November in the\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">clusterfuck<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0that is 2020. Normally this time of year would be about families coming together and celebrating their gratitude. But due to COVID-19 restrictions, this has become impossible for many people across the country. Nevertheless, I believe we could all benefit from<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0the<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">appreciation of our surroundings<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">. When I was a kid, my grandmother would ask me to write down what I was thankful for each year. In the past, I have been thankful for my friends and my family, but this year I am thankful for something else: being really fucking hot.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><span lang=\"EN-US\">I never discovered my\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">attractiveness<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0until\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">quaran<wbr \/>tine<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">.<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">Being surrounded by only members of my family for months made me realize that\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">in order to survive I needed to adapt<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">.<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0My\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">thirteen-year-old<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0<wbr \/>sister has purple braces and scoliosis<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0and my father only listens to Jimmy Buffet. Being surrounded by\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">uggos<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">initially<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0made me convinced\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">that I, through genetics, was destined to their same fate.\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">I eventually blocked out these\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">anxieties<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0through\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">self-<wbr \/>reflection<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">. My form of\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">self-reflection<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0is unconventional. I do not think about myself in<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0a critical way, I instead\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">stare at myself in a reflection like it is\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">Narcissis<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u2019 pool for hours each day. This has made me realize that god does have favorites, and<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0by<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">making people attractive\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">God is<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0inviting\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">a person<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0to the\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">elementary school\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">peanut free table\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">of heaven.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><span lang=\"EN-US\">However, this year has been anything but easy for the conventionally attractive. A mask covers half my face which has made it unfeasible to safely and casually show people that I possess the facial features of an after photo for a Los Angeles plastic surgeon. I attempted to join Model UN only to find out it was not a group of hot international fashion people, but instead was a group of theatre dorks who read The Economist. Additionally, Zoom classes are a nightmare. Last week in my humanities discussion, my TA forced me to turn off my camera because too many students were \u201cpinning my screen\u201d instead of listening to his lecture on\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">The Odyssey<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">. This only caused more of an uproar as my classmates kept chanting \u201cwe want Hoe-mer not Homer\u201d until he reluctantly turned my camera back on.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<p><span lang=\"EN-US\">Despite all of this, I am still proudly pretty. In recent years, beautiful people like me have been under attack. Our society has evolved into Plato\u2019s allegory of the cave except the shadows on the wall are your twitter\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">mutuals<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0telling you Ed\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">Sheeran<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0and Post Malone are hot. I\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">have bravely taken it as my duty to free people from this cave. Everyday day I post go<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">rgeous pictures of myself on the internet to remind people\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">that\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">while\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">the shadows are not\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">real<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">,\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">my<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0Grecian bone structure and ass that NEVER\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">quits\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">is &lt;3.\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">So<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0while all of you losers are having horrible\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">Thanksgiving<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">, I am going to be grateful and instead have a\u00a0<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">Whore-<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">ible<\/span><span lang=\"EN-US\">\u00a0Thanksgiving.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I was a kid, my grandmother would ask me to write down what I was thankful for each year. In the past, I have been thankful for my friends and my family, but this year I am thankful for something else: being really fucking hot.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4599,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4596","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4596","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4596"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4596\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4599"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4596"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4596"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4596"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}