{"id":4460,"date":"2020-11-10T11:50:48","date_gmt":"2020-11-10T04:50:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=4460"},"modified":"2020-11-01T11:55:08","modified_gmt":"2020-11-01T04:55:08","slug":"sorority-girl-accidentally-summons-satan-during-cob","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2020\/11\/10\/sorority-girl-accidentally-summons-satan-during-cob\/","title":{"rendered":"Sorority Girl Accidentally Summons Satan During COB Event"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On Saturday, October 31 &#8212; one week after the newest group of Alpha Omicron Pi pledges were accepted into the UChicago sorority &#8212; a pentagram appeared behind the \u201cAuthentic Cherokee Tapestry\u201d that first-year Gracie Simmons, had hung on the ceiling of her Max Palevsky dorm room. The night before, this newest pledge class\u00a0 had\u00a0 gotten together on Zoom to chant to Selena (the Greek moon goddess, Selena Gomez) in the hopes of cramp-less periods during the upcoming weeks. Gracie, a prospective classics major, had accidentally gotten her copy of Dante\u2019s \u201cDivine Comedy\u201d mixed up with the 666-page New Member Education booklet distributed to the girls the week before.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the Shady Dealer reached out to Gracie for a comment, she told us, \u201cI had accidentally spilled some nail polish on my booklet during our Big-Little reveal, and I thought Italian and Latin were the same, so I thought, why not use my Italian 201 book as a replacement?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The backside of Simmons\u2019 head also approached us for a comment: \u201cShe may be oblivious now, but she holds the capabilities to return me to my full form-\u201d The deformed face coughed up a glitter scrunchie as we spoke. \u201cAnd, once she masters Latin 203, the world will bow down to Lucifer again.\u201d<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alexa DuPage, the chapter president of Alpha Omicron Pi, declined to comment, but on the sorority\u2019s Instagram page, @aoiiuchicago, the newest recruit, Luci Ferre, is pictured in a recent spotlight.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gracie, a prospective classics major, had accidentally gotten her copy of Dante\u2019s \u201cDivine Comedy\u201d mixed up with the 666-page New Member Education booklet distributed to the girls the week before.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4462,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4460"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4460"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4460\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4462"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4460"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4460"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}