{"id":4416,"date":"2020-10-19T22:35:37","date_gmt":"2020-10-19T15:35:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/?p=4416"},"modified":"2020-10-19T22:36:10","modified_gmt":"2020-10-19T15:36:10","slug":"zoom-host-drunk-with-power","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/2020\/10\/19\/zoom-host-drunk-with-power\/","title":{"rendered":"Zoom Host Drunk with Power"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a shocking turn of events, Carl Shelton, Zoom host of his chemistry study group\u2019s meeting this week, has become inexorably drunk with power.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was really weird,\u201d said John Tandara, a member of Shelton\u2019s study group and usual host of the meetings. \u201cI told everyone I was gonna be like a minute late. Then Carl just went \u2018Oh, no! I guess I have to host the meeting now, hahaha.\u2019 Which was strange, because he usually doesn\u2019t text with punctuation. I tried telling him that we can just start a minute later, but he just sent \u2018NOOO!!!\u2019 and then the crying emoji. He seemed like he really wanted to host it, so I wasn\u2019t about to stop him.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

According to eyewitness accounts, upon starting the call, Carl instantly burst into a gleeful smile, and repeatedly told other members of the study group: \u201cI hope you\u2019re having a good time. In my meeting.\u201d After using the term \u201cmy meeting\u201d upwards of ten times, Carl changed his nickname to \u201cGod.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe all kind of laughed nervously, because he was laughing,\u201d said Amy Fairflag, another member of the study group. \u201cBut then he changed Ricky\u2019s name to Noah and said \u2018Here comes the flood, bitch.\u2019 Then he kicked everyone else out.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was just me and him,\u201d said Ricky Lopez, while sipping hot cocoa with a heavy blanket draped around his shoulders. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t talk. He just stared. He stared for so long.\u201d Lopez spent the next hour gazing blankly at the wall, shuddering at the darkness.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Most recently, Shelton has designated Tandara as \u201cJesus,\u201d in a move described by Tandara as \u201cfucking terrifying,\u201d and has begun telling Tandara \u201cthe sins will be washed away.\u201d Half of the six-person study group is now using Google Hangouts.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a shocking turn of events, Carl Shelton, Zoom host of his chemistry study group\u2019s meeting this week, has become inexorably drunk with power.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4407,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[13],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4416"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4416"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4416\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4407"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4416"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4416"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4416"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}