<\/p>\n
| Aries<\/strong><\/p>\n (3\/21 – 4\/19)<\/span><\/td>\n Consider that due to that projection of\u00a0 planet you always think is a star on to the star that you always think is the northern star but actually is not, as the angle of a perception is just slightly too small to be considered far too big. But as long as your follow these instructions you will be okay.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n | Taurus<\/strong><\/p>\n | (4\/20 – 5\/20)<\/span><\/td>\n Typical Taurus you\u2019re going to experience some taurus shit this week.\u00a0<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n | Gemini<\/strong><\/p>\n | (5\/21 – 6\/20)<\/span><\/td>\n Congratulations! According to the weather report, if you\u2019re a Gemini, you\u2019re about to get a brand-new twin! The electricity in the air will cause all of your molecules to vibrate so much that an entirely other you will spontaneously form with\u00a0 a 30% chance of the twin being evil. Already have a twin? Too bad! You\u2019re now a Quadruplet. Have fun coordinating matching outfits everyday with three other people instead of one.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n | Cancer<\/strong><\/p>\n | (6\/21-7\/22)<\/span><\/td>\n Mars is rising and it\u2019s your fault<\/span><\/p>\n | Stop it<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n (7\/23 – 8\/22)<\/span><\/td>\n Now stay out of my edame and away from my skinny lemon balsamic vinaigrette.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n (8\/23 – 9\/22)<\/span><\/td>\n (9\/23- 10\/22)<\/span><\/td>\n (10\/23 – 11\/21)<\/span><\/td>\n (11\/22 – 12\/21)<\/span><\/td>\n -There stands a horse with a handsome human face.<\/span><\/p>\n -Before you know it, you agree to start training him…<\/span><\/p>\n -Is this a dream or a nightmare?<\/span><\/p>\n -Life on this strange ranch awaits…<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n (12\/22 – 1\/19)<\/span><\/td>\n (1\/20 – 2\/18)<\/span><\/td>\n (2\/19 – 3\/20)<\/span><\/td>\n Aries (3\/21 – 4\/19) Consider that due to that projection of\u00a0 planet you always think is a star on to the star that you always think is the northern star but actually is not, as the angle of a perception is just slightly too small to be considered far too big. But as long as your follow these instructions you will be okay. Taurus (4\/20 – 5\/20) Typical Taurus you\u2019re going to experience some taurus shit this week.\u00a0 Gemini (5\/21 – 6\/20) Congratulations! According to the weather report, if you\u2019re a Gemini, you\u2019re about to get a brand-new twin! The electricity in the air will cause all of your molecules to vibrate so much that an entirely other you will spontaneously form with\u00a0 a 30% chance of the twin being evil. Already have a twin? Too bad! You\u2019re now a Quadruplet. Have fun coordinating matching outfits everyday with three other people instead of one. Cancer (6\/21-7\/22) Mars is rising and it\u2019s your fault Stop it Leo (7\/23 – 8\/22) I\u2019ve had it with you. I\u2019ve set traps around the salad bar. Now stay out of my edame and away from my skinny lemon balsamic vinaigrette. Virgo (8\/23 – 9\/22) Good luck will come to you but only if you buy these cool \u201cFree Expression\u201d condoms from the Chicago Shady Dealer, unavailable in a newspaper near you\u00a0 Libra (9\/23- 10\/22) Tumblr says liking Anthropologie isn\u2019t a personality trait, but that\u2019s the best you\u2019ve got so make the most of it.\u00a0 Scorpio (10\/23 – 11\/21) I have no fucking idea but bad luck on tinder seems like a good bet. Sagittarius (11\/22 – 12\/21) -Will you be my owner?- -There stands a horse with a handsome human face. -Before you know it, you agree to start training him… -Is this a dream or a nightmare? -Life on this strange ranch awaits… Capricorn (12\/22 – 1\/19) Oh god. I don\u2019t know what you did to deserve this, but you don\u2019t want to know what\u2019s in store for you next week. Seriously. It\u2019s better if you never have to find out, and maybe you\u2019ll be one of the lucky ones! Maybe. Aquarius (1\/20 – 2\/18) The earth is warming but my feelings for you aren\u2019t Pisces (2\/19 – 3\/20) Ur 2 fish 69ing. Glub! Glub! Weather doesn\u2019t affect u. Glub! Glub! Just keep doin\u2019 ur thing. Don\u2019t think about ocean acidification \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3748","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-komono"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3748","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3748"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3748\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3752,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3748\/revisions\/3752"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3748"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3748"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chicagoshadydealer.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3748"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}} |